Update to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a8ug5o/my_bf_40m_said_he_needed_space_but_i_31f_still/
Hi guys - I just wanted to give an update on the situation. I was definitely planning on just waiting until after the holidays to talk, but then Christmas came and went and I heard nothing. My friend also noticed that the specific toxic ex GF liked his recent instagram picture - meaning he clearly never spoke to her about getting out of his life. At that point I decided I am just going to cut the cord. The pain of waiting seems pointless. So I sent a text saying "I've been giving you space to clear your head but haven't heard from you in over a week - not even on Christmas. I feel so betrayed by you and I need to start moving on. Please send me back my money by January 15th." He responded 5 hours later saying he can't even begin to try to explain and I never deserved any of this and said he'd call me later.
So we spoke yesterday. I asked if I didn't reach out to him would I have ever heard from him or was he planning on just ghosting me like a coward. He said he was going to reach out to me this week but his head was just still so confused - and that he didnt say anything over the break because it "wouldn't be genuine". I was like but checking in just to see if I'm okay is different, if you actually cared you would. I said I'm also very aware that you never shut things down with this girl - and he said there's absolutely nothing going on there.
I said from my perspective I brought up the topic of commitment to my boyfriend of 7 months which was a very normal thing to do. I said you had plenty of opportunities in the past to tell me of any doubts or anything that's holding you back as you knew I was all in. When I asked him 2 months ago why he still hasn't told me he loves me - instead of saying "dont I act and treat you like I love you? Just be patient" that would have been a time. I said I am realizing now that maybe to you I was more of someone you could travel with, have fun with, I got along with your friends, etc. when I looked at you like "I finally found the perfect person for me". He said that wasn't the case and that all his feelings were totally real and I said then how was it that easy to flip a switch? And he said he is just confused.
He started crying saying that I don't deserve this, I am perfect and he knows I'm the right person for him, but he just isn't all in for some reason. He said he hates himself for what he did to me because one of the things he loved most about me is how happy I always was. How in the past if he did one small thing to upset me it would kill him and knowing he did this is tearing him up. And that if we tried to pick up where we left off I wouldn't be the same. And I said you SHOULD feel bad, you ruined everything between us.
I said I need the money back for the trip by January 15th and that it would be his responsibility to tell his friends why I'm not coming.
He then asked if I would please not block his phone number. It makes me feel like since the holidays are an "off" time - that he wants more time to figure things out and the option to access me once he does. I told him that I need to move on and I need to start dating again. That I won't block his number but I can't promise I'd answer if he calls.
This makes me feel like I will hear from him later once he figures things out, but I don't want to hold out hope for that to happen. I still am in so much pain that I don't think it's fair to start dating again - I need to take some time to heal first, but I can't wait around for him.
I know 7 months isn't a long time. But all of my previous relationships have ended because of incompatibility or fighting, etc. In my eyes, all I saw was my perfect match - friendship, a million inside jokes, attraction, respect, thoughtfulness. I just still feel so sick to my stomach and am truly scared of how this relationship will ruin me in the future. I really thought that this was it for me and was so excited to not only find someone, but to find someone I felt so insanely happy with.
I just am looking for some support or advice or maybe if you have some more ideas what he's thinking. I am just so sick of being sad.
Tl;dr - boyfriend still confused and I’m sick of waiting so I ended it
Submitted December 27, 2018 at 09:48AM by Imreallysad12345 http://bit.ly/2TgZSfD
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