My(38/M) wife(35/F) just came out to me as gay. We want to make the marriage work and are committed to each other as life partners, but are very, very confused as to what it might look like and how it might work.

*My mind is really rattled, so please excuse the jumbled thoughts below. *

I'm sure our scenario is not unique, but it feels very strange to us. Neither of our families would accept her as gay but many of our friends would. We both feel like the other is a perfect life partner for us, minus the sexy stuff, and we want to stay together forever. But we both also want the other to have a sexually fulfilling life. Although we've discussed a lot of things, like each having our own girlfriends or one-off experiences, we are nowhere near ready to begin engaging the world like that.

Here is some information on us:

• We've been married 13 years.
• We have two children.
• We're coming out of a very rocky place.
• I've been combating depression for 5 years and she held the family together.
• We're much happier and healthier now than ever in the last 10 years.
• Other than a kiss with a female friend (recently), she's not had any experiences with a woman.
• She's known, or believed, she was gay since childhood.
• We talk about everything. I don't believe either of us are holding secrets back from the other.
• We both want the other to be happy.
• We want our marriage to mean something, to set OUR relationship apart from any other relationships we may have. We don't know what that will look like though.
• Coming out publicly is not an option for her right now, according to her.
• I want to be as supportive of her as I can be but don't really know what to do.
  

I'm absolutely full of questions, and she is too. Here are just a few:

Can anyone share experiences of being married, happily, to a person whose sexual orientation doesn't align with your own?

Are we idiots to think we could make our marriage work still?

How can I help her feel more comfortable with who she is? This one's important. Last night she told me she wishes she were straight. I don't want her to feel that way about herself. I want her to love who she is and be proud of who she is. Yes, being gay means we have to work harder than if she weren't gay, but it's just an evolution in our relationship, and she's worth fighting for.

How do you support someone who isn't publicly out yet? . There's a lot more questions, but this is the best I can get on paper for now. Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR: Married couple, straight male w/ gay woman, would like advice on how to maintain their marriage while still embracing their different sexual orientations.

Submitted December 27, 2018 at 08:52AM by inaverystrangeplace http://bit.ly/2V7AElH