My [27F] ex-girlfriend's sister [32F] wants to be *better* friends after the breakup. How do I escape?

Hi, Reddit! I think this is a lose-lose situation no matter how you slice it, but I've never known the good people of r/relationships to shy away from giving good advice, so go bananas. Also, I'm gonna try and keep this short and sweet. Also also, I wrote ex-girlfriend, but I really meant to write ex-boyfriend, which will become immediately obvious.

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4 years ago, I joined a choir. My director, whom we'll call "Katie," was only a few years older than me. We had a feeling that we might have a ton in common and be undiscovered best friends, but, you know, it's hard to make friends as an adult! Plus she lived an hour away and had a husband and two little kids and stuff. But we always had our eye on each other, if that makes sense!

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Last December, I got a text from her saying, "So this is random, but I want to set you up with my brother. He lives in [a state 1,400 miles away] but he's home for the holidays." I was just so flattered that she'd think of me as a good match for her very own brother that I waved away the obvious red flags -- him living 1,400 miles away, for instance -- and thought, "Well, what the hell, it can't be worse than any of the other dud dates I've been on this year."

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Well, Reddit, you know exactly what happened. Her brother and I fell hard for one another. We were texting a bit and we couldn't wait to meet on the date we'd set so we met up a day before (I had a ridiculous outfit on), and within an hour of making eye contact we were kissing passionately in the CVS parking lot. We spent every single day of Christmas break together at his sister's cottage. Life was GOOD...until, of course, he went back to the very faraway place where he lives, and will be living for the foreseeable future. He's an artist, so he had no money for flights. I had money, but the traveling was a huge financial strain and the LDR wasn't giving us what we needed, emotionally, in the interminable weeks between visits, so I broke it off. Our breakup wasn't acrimonious or anything, but, boy, was it sad. I'm still kinda lowkey in love with the dude, but, hey, that's life.

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Of course, that left me thinking, "Well, shit, where does that leave me and Katie?" We talked a fair amount and I visited her once over the summer. She immediately said, "We don't need to talk about my brother," and I thought, "Great! Because that is the only way this can work." Later in the summer, she invited me to her daughter's birthday party; I would have been the only non-family attendee--I couldn't go, because I was in Ireland, but I got them souvenirs. So, basically, trying to make the friendship work, still.

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OK, this is getting long, so I better speed this up. The cataclysmic event that led to me wanting to post this whole spiel was when, a few weeks ago, Katie mentioned she'd be in my neck of the woods (she has a grandma near me) and asked if wanted to come over and catch up. I didn't have a ton of time that day, so I figured I'd drop by, say hi to her and Grandma, have a cuppa, give her the Christmas gifts I had for her family, and then go about my business. I was not prepared for what Katie had in mind. I walked in and said hi to everybody, and, with absolutely no preamble, Katie went on this RANT:

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"[Your ex-boyfriend]'s actually not coming for Christmas. We don't know when we'll see him again."

"Oh."

"He actually just broke up with his girlfriend. Urkel Gru."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It was never gonna last, 'cause it was long-distance, but I'm just super happy it's over because I've never liked any of his girlfriends and you're so superior to all of them and you guys had the craziest chemistry any of us had ever seen, seriously, and I want you guys to end up together."

"Oh."

"I told him all that, too."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And I think, deep down, he knows it. But [your ex-boyfriend] can't be alone. I don't think he's over the trauma of his past marriage and divorce."

"Okay."

"Yeah. And he specifically asked me not to tell you he was dating. I think if it got serious, he'd have wanted you to know."

"Okay?"

"But I don't mean to give you false hope, or anything, just because he's single. I have a hard time letting things go, too, BigSlurps."

"Oh."

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It just went on. And on. And on. After about 10 minutes of word vomit (and Katie's grandma looking at her, absolutely flabbergasted), I left. I went and sat in my car. And then I drove home and sat on the couch.

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In the subsequent days, Katie kept trying to apologize, but somehow would say things that made me feel even worse. Such as: "Would it give some comfort to know that even [youngest brother] said, "[Ex-boyfriend] doesn't know how to do relationships"? (Uh, not really.) "EVERYBODY wanted you and [ex-boyfriend] to work out, BigSlurps. Everybody." (Cool, I'll set up a GoFundMe for our relationship.) "I'm so mad at him! He's so non-confrontational! If he had just told you he'd moved on, it would have made it easier for you to move on!" Reddit, I'm not gonna lie; that one cut deep. Because if someone can really look at me, see me going to work, going to class, dancing, singing, playing music, teaching music, learning languages, traveling the world, etc.; if they can really see all that and the first thing that comes to mind is "Aww, isn't so sad that she's still single and thus clearly not over her ex?" I'll be...upset.

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Anyway. So now I don't know what to do with this situation. I love Katie. I think we're the true soulmates of this story. But every time her name pops up on my phone, I think about these somewhat traumatizing revelations she chose to share with me. Plus, now I'm kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop. "[Your ex-boyfriend] just got married again but I really hope they get divorced because I think you guys are meant for one another." Just...why?!?!?!?!??!?!

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Whew. So there we go, Reddit. I've always heard that "advice is something you ask for when you know the answer but you wish you didn't." Like I said, go bananas.

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TLDR: My ex-boyfriend's sister, who I was friends with first, wants to be better friends now that we've broken up, but she's revealed some stuff that's really painful for me. How do I exit gracefully, or at least take a long hiatus from the friendship?

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Submitted December 27, 2018 at 08:48AM by bigslurps http://bit.ly/2CCnW7a