There is this stupid VHS tape from my [33M] childhood that I find mortifying. I appeared on a local TV show when I was 14. The segment never actually aired (they were probably also mortified by my extreme awkwardness, acne and general teenage uncoolness) but they sent me a tape so I could witness it all.
When I first watched it at 14, I saw myself in a new light: I saw an awkward, ugly kid that was far worse than my self-image at the time. I hated it so much I stole the tape from my mom and cut it up, destroying the evidence forever.
Little did I know, she saved the tape and then fixed it. This is where it gets weirder. More than 15 years later, AT MY WEDDING, she focuses her entire speech on this tape. It was an admittedly funny story recounting how I went on TV and then destroyed the tape, with the climax being she restored the tape and still has it. Thankfully she didn’t play it at the wedding.
But ever since, she insists on bringing it out. At my grandmas 90th birthday party she walks into the room with the tape and insists we watch it with my entire family. I talk her down awkwardly and say no one wants to watch it.
That’s when she clued in it wasn’t so funny for me, and called me later saying she couldn’t sleep thinking her wedding story made me feel bad or ruined my day. So I had to insist I didn’t care and thought the whole thing was funny and wouldn’t mind watching the tape at Xmas, which she was already insisting on.
So now I’m stuck. I want to fucking destroy this stupid tape for good. But then I think my mom would be crushed and dwell on the idea her speech made me uncomfortable (which it did). I’m leaning towards just watching the tape with family and sucking it up, but it’s 4am and I can’t sleep because it’s making my heart beat so fast.
Do I steal the tape, destroy it, tell my mom and ruin her memories of the wedding, or suck it up and let her show family? Doing that will scar me and I’ll probably fixate on it for a while, and fear she’ll bring it out at other big moments in the future. I’m so stuck.
PS she and I rewatched the tape when others were in bed and it’s far worse than I remembered, and she’s insisting my wife see it tomorrow.
TLDR my mom insists on showing an awkward tape of me at 14, but telling her I hate it will make her feel horrible because it was the subject of her wedding speech and I’ve so far told her it’s fine
Submitted December 27, 2018 at 01:18AM by longslowclap http://bit.ly/2SsnQVm
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