On my (31F) last birthday, my husband (34M) and i went to a party, had a great time, and came home afterward....we started having sex, i thought it was really great and was thoroughly enjoying myself. About 20 minutes into it, he stops and gets up and starts yelling at me, angry that i hadn't had an orgasm. He puts his clothes on and goes out in the living room, still angry and yelling, as I am standing there still naked with my mouth open in surprise.
He has had a serious anger problem our entire marriage (4 years at the point this happened, we have been married close to 5 years now) but had never done anything like this. I was visibly upset, cried, and he slept on the couch.
It's been months since that happened, and i am still hurt and upset by it. I avoid sex with him and want no part of it. We were having issues before this, mistly due to his anger, and nkw I don't feel connected to him at all. I cant get "in the mood" when he tries, and Im afraid to tell him that. The more i say no, the more he tries, and sometimes i give in because i feel obligated and so he'll leave it alone for a while. We have only talked about it once, and he didnt understand why it would still bother me and went on a rant about how he had grand ideas for making my birthday super awesome and it just didnt happen.
How can i approach the situation differently or should i approach it at all? I'm at a loss for what to even try here.
TL;DR: i didnt have an orgasm during sex and my husband got angry and yelled at me.
UPDATE: a month ago, i started seeing a therapist by myself. He asked if i wanted him to come, i said no. It did not start an argument. I feel like i wouldnt be able to be honest or open in therapy if he was there, and feel like i wouldnt be able to get a word in if he was there. I worry that he might use what is said in therapy against me later, or that i would go back to not being able to open up about my thoughts/wants for fear of a blow up. I understand things are not good and that we cannot fix this without help. Maybe at some point he can join (he made it clear he is willing) but right now it doesnt sound good.
Also, he has never gotten physical with me, hit me, or anything like that. He has gotten close to me while yelling and intimidated me, and he has broken/thrown things (never at me) but has not been physically abusive to me. We do not have children and i currently have an IUD. He supports this idea.
Submitted December 01, 2018 at 10:46PM by pantone122c https://ift.tt/2FRJKzp
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