So, I'm an idiot. I got into a relationship with a guy with a kid despite the fact that I really don't like kids, don't want kids, don't want to be around kids. It was selfish and stupid of me, I know, but I was very new to dating when I met him and he was my first everything.
We live together. He usually has his child (3m) two days a week and I dread it. I avoid being home on those days. I don't even want to come home to sleep when he is here because I know I'll probably wake up to screaming and crying. It's not that I don't like him personally. He seems to like me and he's a sweet kid, but I am so fucking uncomfortable around him, just constantly stressed. I have social anxiety and something about children really sets it off; having this dependent person who needs constant attention around - in our bedroom a lot of the time (we don't have an actual living room) - feels invasive even though I know that's horrible of me to say.
I love my boyfriend, and I am absolutely gutted to have to do it but I realize that I need to break up with him. I know that it is only fair to him and the child. But any time I bring it up to him, he tells me that I'd be selfish to leave him over this. He doesn't understand that I'm never going to enjoy spending time with his child. I'm never going to love his child. He thinks things will change but they won't and I know it and I know what I need to do but he refuses to see it that way, and I'm still deeply in love with him so I always drop it when he argues. I have no will power because the thought of leaving him kills me. I cry every time I even think about it. How do I do this?
Tl;Dr: boyfriend has a kid and I don't want kids. We need to break up but my boyfriend thinks I'm selfish for even thinking about it. How do I get him to see that this is what's best, when I don't even want to do it?
Edit: as I've said this is my first relationship, and I've obviously bonded with him, a lot, and I suck at confrontation (excuses, excuses) so just straight up leaving and cutting contact was something I didn't, or wouldn't, think about. I realize now it is my only option. Thank you, guys. I've gotta figure out some logistics and work up a lot of courage but I know what I need to do.
Submitted November 16, 2018 at 07:17AM by cantbuwmbf https://ift.tt/2K6MNSC
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