Hi all,
I understand that there have been posts about this in the past but I also find that the poster rarely delves into the heart of their issue so I thought I'd try posting myself.
I (F,31) have been with my boyfriend (M,33) for 6 months. Our relationship has progressed slowly but I feel we are generally pretty strong. Our communication definitely needs work - we often don't articulate exactly how we feel or fully explain ourselves, often leading to issues where we thought we were on the same page but apparently have different definitions and that can be confusing.
My main issue with our relationship is this:
My boyfriend follows thousands of Instagram models. Like, 4,500. These range from sexy, clothed women to accounts dedicated to nipples to pictures that are millimetres away from being nudes. This has always bothered me, I've tried to bring it up and he brushes it off with "it's harmless fun" or "I don't compare them to you". To be honest, I've never fully expressed my feelings about this issue, which are:
- I understand that people can find other people attractive. Strangers on the street, people in bars. These are generally people who come into your life for brief moments, you appreciate their beauty or sexiness, and then they leave. I even understand the need for porn occasionally as a "visual aid". The issue is my boyfriend is actively seeking these women out to look at, following about 75 new women every month. These aren't passing fancies - he is following them, seeing their posts daily.
- I'll be honest, it makes me self-conscious knowing that he's looking at these women SO MUCH. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's true. The frequency and intensity of it has left me feeling totally inadequate. I used to be so full of confidence in myself, and now I feel lost. He rarely comments on my physical looks, yet he follows these women and acknowledges their beauty/hotness.
- I feel it's disrespectful that he is doing it in such a public way.
- I'm concerned, and frankly creeped out, by the frequency that he does this. It feels like a compulsion.
I'm planning on talking to him about this. Calmly explaining my feelings, telling him that it is not harmless fun because it's actually to the point of hurting me. I'm terrified he's going to dismiss my concerns. Unfortunately, though, it is at a point where I need him to stop - not want him to stop, need him to. I need to not feel like this everyday.
Do you have any advice?
tl;dr: My boyfriend follows thousands of Instagram models. It upsets me for a multitude of reasons that I want to explain to him. Any advice?
Submitted November 15, 2018 at 01:56PM by confusedotter123 https://ift.tt/2zgz6wa
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