UPDATE: I (24F) don't know how to go about ending things with my live-in, overly reliant partner (29F)

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/12hr168/i_24m_dont_know_how_to_go_about_ending_things

Thank you to everyone who has given me advice and support in this sub. I wish I could say the deed is done, but unfortunately right now I find myself in an even more difficult place. I need to hear some wise words on how to overcome some of these things and finally end things.

Since my post, my girlfriend caught wind that something was wrong while we were driving and I ended up telling her all the reasons I was struggling with the relationship, and why I wasn't sure it could continue.

Initially she did not take it well, however we were driving to visit her family at the time (Stupid place to have this conversation!) and to calm the situation I said we should talk more and try and work on these things, I'm not throwing in the towel yet etc.

She confided with a family member and they actually told her she needed to change her act or she would definitely lose me, which seemed to help turn the conversation into a productive one.

My girlfriend agreed to stop holding me back from seeing people, to take some space for herself before she starts to talk to me poorly etc. Initially she was being so nice that I actually started to feel a pang of resentment - if she could be so kind now why not make the switch the many times I'd told her in the past? I guess I'm so bad at enforcing my boundaries that she knew she could continue.

Another week passed and she was suddenly stonewalling me at dinner and through the evening. Eventually before we went to bed she told me what I was asking was unfair and that she should be my priority. She asked if she couldn't change would I break up with her? I stumbled a bit but found the strength to say yes.

This she did not take well, she totally broke down. Told me she can't live without me, that she wouldn't see a reason to live anymore, insinuated that she would probably end her life etc. It was really late and some of the manipulation was working so I tried to settle things by saying that nothing needs to change overnight, I just want to know that she wants to work on it no matter how long it takes. This helped calm things in the moment and stop them from escalating.

I half convinced myself at this point that I wanted to work on it too, but I think this was just a survival instinct. However in the following week she clearly showed signs of getting worse with her behaviours.

I tried to go for a run on our treadmill in the same room she was in and she said this was selfish because I hadn't seen her all day while at work. I said we were in the same room so we could still talk for the 20 minutes it would take, and reminded her that I was feeling bad about my body image (I've been putting a few pounds on while trying to cope with all this) and that she promised to let me take a bit of time once a week to work on it. She reiterated her points about me neglecting her so I agreed not to do it, at which point she said well now I'm making her feel bad by not doing it.

A few days later my best friend asked if I wanted to drop in for his sons first birthday (I've still never met him since they had the baby) and my girlfriend said she "Couldnt imagine anything worse" and that I would be neglecting her if I went out for an hour without her on a weekend. I said okay, I'll go for 30 minutes on Monday when she is studying, and she said "so I'm clearly not invited then" and stonewalled me for the afternoon.

As always I can't win. I know how bad this relationship is, I feel stupid typing it all out and still being in it! If I play by her rules we can have a happy, good day, but obviously this is fake and just builds resentment on my part. But at least she's happy.

I mentioned in the last post I was debating holding out for 8 weeks while she finished her course, but I have since found out she has been untruthful about how much time she has left. She has missed so many days without telling me (I've dropped her off and she's gone and done something else rather than attended her placement hours) that she will need to spend at least 4 months finishing the course.

I'm at my wits end - I psyched myself up Friday at work to come home and end it. I talked it through with a close friend who offered great advice. I knew exactly what I was going to say, and yet as soon as I saw her my demeanor changed to positive to appease her and I couldn't get the words out.

I know I just need to say the words "I want to break up" give her a few reasons and then get out of there so there's no space for manipulation. But I just can't seem to find the strength because again I've spent 3 years appeasing her and accepting this is my life, I think my self worth is so low that I'm prioritising her happiness above all else.

I could really do with some advice on how I could successfully go through with this. What should my plan be. How can I set myself up for success and end this toxic toxic relationship?

Thank you for reading

TL;DR My girlfriend's behaviour is getting worse after she promised it would get better, and I can't find the way to end things. Any advice is super appreciated.

Submitted April 30, 2023 at 02:28AM by ThrowRA32591 https://ift.tt/APVRW4a