Here's the link to the previous post, In case you didn't see it. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/131c3rj/im_worried_im_overreacting_but_he_seems_too_nice/
I've (F19) been having some relationship issues lately with my partner (M23). TLDR from the last post, I was feeling overwhelmed and disrespected. We've been dating for ~2 months.
Sorry in advance, This story is going to be long-winded.
Flash forward to yesterday. I invited my boyfriend to a local cafe to talk about our situation. We're talking, and he seems defensive, assuming I'm coming at him to insinuate that he's a bad boyfriend, which is not the goal. We started the discussion by expressing my displeasure with how the situation has made me feel. He can be overwhelming sometimes. The goal is just for him to do things in moderation, not all the time or never. His behavior shows a pattern that he rushes into relationships and gets intense fast. I mentioned that he doesn't have to do husband/fiancée level things, and that's okay! He's not my husband or my fiancee. These things that he does are higher-level relationship activities that are kind of inappropriate for a relationship so new, it's okay to take things slow and to get to know the other person before investing so much. He protested that it was a long-term relationship since he plans on it being one.
About the gifts, he doesn't consider buying me food at the store a gift, even though I've said that it makes me uncomfortable with him buying food all the time for me. I have trauma around people using excessive kindness to manipulate me. People around me know this and respect that. I'm concerned about how he's been pressuring me to accept gifts (even if they're small, it's pretty often) or rides to work. For example, we were hanging out, and he dropped me off after lunch. While we were sitting in the parking lot, he asked when I would be out. I said 2-3. He replied that 'he'll be there.' 'I'm okay, no need, ride is unnecessary.' After talking for a bit longer, he the tells me he'll be there at 2. I declined his offer to give me a ride politely (again). I get out of the car and go back to work. I texted him at 3:30 to let him know I'm on my way home just to be polite. At 4, he called and apologized for not coming and picking me up because he missed his alarm at 2. 'I didn't ask for you to pick me up'.
I told him that if this pushing keeps happening, I'll be more strict with my boundaries. He took that as a 'threat'. I'm not sure where to go with that.
The conclusion that we came to was that he realized his ego was getting to him. He's been doing all this extra stuff to prevent me from leaving. ("I've been letting my ego get the better of me, and I wasn't respecting you") And he doesn't respect my judgment to live my life. He thinks he knows what's better for me than I do. The whole situation leaves me feeling disrespected and patronized.
The plan right now (on my end) is for us to keep dating but much less seriously. I don't know if I want to be involved if this is the treatment. I deserve respect. So at the moment, I don't know what to do. If someone could give recommendations that would be amazing!
TLDR: My boyfriend has been intense and we talked about it again and while it seems like we've figured out what the problem is, I don't know what to do about it
Submitted April 29, 2023 at 08:51PM by Successful-Dig868 https://ift.tt/X6ucLCs
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