I (33f) have been with Ben (40m) for 14 years. I was 19 and he was 26 when we first got together. He was my first serious relationship, he had a few before me.
I have horrible depression and ptsd from childhood. Ben was the first person to encourage and support me, in life and university. I now have a high level job that pays very well but is exhausting. Ben always worked entry level jobs. I knew I would be the breadwinner which was never an issue, this is a partnership.
Unfortunately Ben suffers from anxiety. 4 years ago he struggled with work and took a few months off and 2 years ago he stopped work completely. I encouraged him to take time off and work on mental health.
The issues that have since arisen are - Ben spends all day playing playstation. I work from home on occasion. He will be on the playstation when I start work and still there when I finish. He will jump off for a couple hours then back on until 2am in the morning. Rinse and repeat - he does some of the housework but will cut corners and still thinks it should be an equal division. However he doesn't even do his half - he will leave his rubbish everywhere and not clean up after himself. I can't use kitchen like that and when I ask him to keep it clean so I can use it he accuses me of being lazy. He also says he has a right to feel comfortable in his house - we don't have kids but he is pushing for them. He will be the stay at home parent. - he didn't earn a cent in past 2 years. I gave him an "allowance" of $300 a week to spend on whatever he wanted. I pay the mortgage and all the bills. - he recently started work but only lasts a week before quitting because he doesn't like it. He is about ti quit his job of 2 weeks because a client swore at him. For comparison I am regularly abused and have even received death threats in past requiring police involvement. - I have been highly suicidal the last year due to finally seeking help for childhood issues which has reopened old wounds. I have continued to work throughout and have not taken any time off. Any time I try and speak to Ben he will talk about how he is struggling himself and make the conversation about himself.
My mental health is bad at the moment so I don't know if I am just being sensitive or if there is a real issue. He is a really sweet guy who genuinely loves and cares about me. Please help me with your opinions.
Tl:Dr been with husband for 14 years. I feel like I have a teenager not a partner
Submitted April 22, 2023 at 02:30AM by lurkie_lurker https://ift.tt/AwXh5so
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