My (38f) boyfriend (45m) keeps getting in bad situations that I've warned him about and then he blames me.

I am finding that I'm really stressed by this situation. We have been together for 4 years. If he were just blowing off steam in blaming me, I'd just ignore it. But he actually seems to believe that I'm in the wrong for not helping him out of situations that he's put himself in, and even mentions it much later. It's like he rewrites history.

I live by myself for now, and he lives with his 18 year old daughter (she will be going away to school and over the next year we will probably move in together). He is brilliant in a lot of things, but he's terrible at everyday life skills. He has depression and ADHD, and I completely understand, but where I start losing empathy is that he refuses to listen to me or even consider that I'm much better than him at planning some things.

He is currently in school. He was working a very good job before, but decided to go back to school to move up. I won't bore you with all the financial details, but several months ago he started to run out of money. His parents have been lending him money (they do have it to lend), but it's always a bit at a time, and it's very stressful. I've helped him a lot, but I am finding it hard to continue with that.

He is in exams this week and next. This is the important part: over the past month, I was very concerned that he would not have enough money to carry him through and he wouldn't have the bandwidth to be trying to study for exams and get money at the same time. Many times I have pushed him to talk to his parents to have a clear conversation to see if they could get him money to tie him over. He kept saying they agreed but I was nervous and kept asking him to be sure.

They ended up getting him some money, but certainly not enough. And so now he's upset because he doesn't have enough money to get back and forth to school or buy food etc etc. And this week I'm busy with work so he's mad at me that I can't drop everything to drive him. Or that I can't make money magically appear etc.

He says I let him down. He says this a lot. But I try to warn him of "impending doom" (lol) and he brushes me off.

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I do love him. And he does have a lot of good qualities, but this particular one is incredibly frustrating and upsetting. And no matter how much we discuss it, he can't see it. He will forever more think that I have let him down during a very stressful time when he is trying to pass exams.

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Is this something couple's counselling can help?

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tldr: my boyfriend can't plan ahead and ends up blaming me.

Submitted April 20, 2023 at 05:06PM by Front-Pomegranate-76 https://ift.tt/nM6YBkA