I (29 F) have been with my husband (30 M) and best friend for 8 years, and we have always had a very stable and happy relationship. We have been inseparable since we first started dating in 2015. We are very alike and rarely fight.
I am pretty sure I have made the greatest mistake of my life, and I can’t take the pain and guilt. When we had been together for approx. 3-4 years, I started getting thoughts regarding marriage and kids, and we discussed our timelines. I wanted both, but didn’t have a particular timeline other than “as soon as he was ready”. He was not ready and said he wanted it eventually, but couldn’t specify when.
This is where I was in the wrong, because I couldn’t fathom how to not know when you would be ready. I put on too much pressure by asking (several times) when he thought it would happen. At the time I didn’t realize how he was pressured by it, I was too focused of my own fears (would he ever be ready, did he even want it etc.).
As a result we got married 3 years ago, and it was actually a happy day for both of us. He now says he is glad that we are married, but resents the way it happened.
After the marriage my want for children grew steadily, and I was depressed by seeing so many of my friends getting pregnant, and still being uncertain of if my husband wanted them/when. I would ask maybe every 3-6 months where his thoughts were now, and every time he would get sad/withdrawn and say “I don’t know when I’ll be ready”. In the beginning I would be angry at the situation and not understanding of his feelings. In time I eventually began to see his view and was more understanding of him, but it was too late - he had already grown to resent the talk of children. And I was still finding it hard waiting, which he could sense.
Eventually he said he was “as ready as he thought he could be”, and that we could start trying. He seemed ambivalent, but also like he didn’t hate the idea of a child, which I was fooled by because I wanted to believe it so bad.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant and facing a possible divorce. I feel so guilty, I can’t stand it. I hate myself and my impatience, that have caused me to possibly lose the love of my life. We have had many talks, and he says he is not angry at me, that he understands why I did it. But at the same time, he resents me and doesn’t know if he can forgive me.
We discussed abortion many times, but he couldn’t do that either. He felt that it wouldn’t be right and that it wouldn’t fix our relationship. He is still ambivalent regarding the baby.
I don’t know how to live on knowing that I did this. I will try be strong for the baby, but nothing seems to matter much if he leaves me.
Is there any way for me to fix our marriage, or is it broken for good?
TL;DR: Husband wasn’t ready for marriage or baby, now I am facing possible divorce
Submitted April 13, 2023 at 04:42AM by Annual-Quote-9842 https://ift.tt/JoaB4lx
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