1, 30 FtM, moved back to my hometown about 7 years ago. At that time, my sister had just given birth to triplets in addition to my older niece. I really wanted to be physically closer and develop a strong bond with them.
I also thought this would be a good opportunity to get close to my sister again and maybe even my parents. Here's the thing though: I'm transgender. My family is very religious. I grew up in a Pentecostal church and still struggle with the trauma associated with that religion. (Panic attacks associated with the rapture & things of that nature)
Not long after I moved back, I asked my sister through text if I could take my niece & nephews out for the day. She didn't reply but I'd planned to stop by later that evening and figured we could discuss it then. When I got there I brought it up again thinking that she may have just missed the text. She explained to me that while she "trusted that I would protect the kids, knew that I wouldn't answer the wrong questions without discussing it with her, and knew that I wouldn't tell them the wrong thing" that she also has to "raise her children in a way according to the Bible"
So I basically have supervised visits. It's unfortunate because I'm their only uncle. They have no aunts. (It's just my sister and I & her husband is an only child) I'm angry because I feel not only am I being denied the opportunity to truly bond with them and get to know them for who they are when they aren't around their parents, but they're being denied the opportunity to experience a real bond with an uncle.
I'm not rich but i have a decent salary, and am single with no children. I often think of all the things I would do with them: Travel, parks, trampoline parks, arcades, sleep overs, watching movies until late at night when they all crash. I feel like I'm grieving it all, especially as I watch them get older. I'm literally bawling as I type this.
Worst of all, I worry that they'll grow up thinking that I didn't want to do all this things with them. It breaks my heart. That brings me to my point.
This has helped me realize that I strongly desire a network of people who fully accept me. I do want my own wife and children. But I also want family.... People who know me enough to kindly tell me when a girl might not be right for me... People who I can talk to about the challenges I face as a trans man... people who see my whole character including my gender identity and just love me in the way I need to be loved.
So I want to move away. I don't want to tell my family so they can tell me how much they miss me although no one has been to my apartment in a year and a half.
TL;DR: My family rejects my identity as trans. I want to move and build a chosen family. But I'd be further from my nieces & nephews.
Submitted April 28, 2023 at 12:40AM by ThrowawayJoint68 https://ift.tt/CHIv5cB
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