About a year ago, my (m21) grandmother (f84) began to be noticeably forgetful. At first, I thought it was just due to her age, but now my family and I are fairly certain that it is dementia. Unfortunately, she does not want to be examined, so we do not have an actual diagnosis, but comparing her behavior to the typical symptoms is quite revealing. The dementia is not only manifested in forgetfulness but also in the fact that she accuses my grandfather (m85) of ruining her life after almost 60 years of marriage. She brings up things that happened over 30 years ago (e.g., that he sold their shared car without discussing it with her extensively beforehand). We are fairly certain that these accusations are related to her illness. My grandfather is suffering greatly as a result. I have only seen him cry once in my life when his sister died, but he has been crying a lot lately. Unfortunately, he has also said that he wants to commit suicide because he can no longer bear it. My grandmother is physically very limited and dependent on my grandfather, who takes care of everything. He does the household chores, cooks meals, goes shopping, carries wood up for the stove so my grandmother stays warm, takes her to doctor's appointments, and does everything that needs to be done that she is no longer capable of doing. My grandmother has a false perception of reality and believes that she is not dependent on my grandfather. My grandfather is at the end of his rope. He has to take care of almost everything and is only criticized by my grandmother. Unfortunately, he recently had blood in his stool, which hopefully is "only" stress-related, but there may also be an illness behind it. I wish he would go to the emergency room, but he wants to wait for his routine check-up in September. My mother now frequently visits my grandparents, who live far away, to try to mediate the conflict between the two. She works full-time and has to take sick leave for the time she spends there. We would like my grandparents to move to an assisted living apartment in our city to relieve my grandfather and so that they have the opportunity to get out of each other's way. The problem is that my grandmother is resistant to all attempts to help her. She is very stubborn due to her illness, does not want to be examined, move, or accept help from caregivers. We cannot convince her and certainly cannot force her to do anything. My sister and I try to help, but the topic is so uncomfortable for my grandfather that he can barely open up to our mother. The whole situation makes me extremely sad because they have truly loved each other their entire lives. And now I feel like everything they have built is falling apart in the end, and they will not be able to look back on their lives happily.
TL;DR: My grandma has dementia, refuses to accept help and move, and is causing a heavy burden on my grandpa who has to take care of her and receives severe accusations from her.
Submitted April 25, 2023 at 04:00AM by Throwaway6842398019 https://ift.tt/uLgTIOU
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