This is so stupid and I can't believe it's become such a major issue but I don't know what to do so I'm writing here.
For context I (25F) have had a long road to loving my hair. It's very thick and curly which wouldn't be a problem except my parents didn't know what to do with it growing up. When I was little my mother would take me to get it permed into a curl pattern she found more manageable. Eventually my mother took a job that required her to spend long spans of time abroad. She knew my father couldn't care for my hair so she took me to get it cut into an extremely short bob that didn't even reach my chin. My father would take me to get it cut semi regularly after that. I hated how my hair looked during this time period and it was hard on my self esteem.
In high school I was finally allowed free reign of my own hair. I began learning to take care of it from YouTube videos but overly relied on straightening it to fit in. In college I completely buzzed my head and started fresh. It was an incredibly freeing journey but it's also made me feel very attached to my now long and healthy hair.
My fiance (30M), who I've been in a relationship with for the past six years, knows that my hair is important to my sense of self. We've also discussed why this is. Recently we were having a hypothetical discussion about what we wanted our funerals to be like. He said he'd want me to shave my head when he died. I asked why and he said it was because he knew it would keep me from going out and replacing him right away. I sort of laughed and said I wouldn't do that even if I kept my hair. His tone changed to be less playful all of a sudden and he asked if I would do it for him anyways. I asked if he was being serious and he asked "why not? Why would you need to care about your appearance if I'm dead?" I responded that he's not dead and even if he was I would be emotionally wrecked enough without also having to get rid of my hair.
After this he coldly told me to "just forget about it" and left the room. Since then he's been really shut off and passive aggressive. I've tried discussing it with him but he just keeps shutting me down saying he doesn't want to talk about it and calling it stupid.
My only guess is he feels insecure about my commitment to him in some way. I don't know what I've done or why it's come up so abruptly. I want to fix things but he won't talk to me about it and I'm getting so frustrated. Before this happened everything seemed great. I don't understand how the entire tone of our relationship shifted over this one conversation. I don't feel comfortable with his demand I shave my head when he dies but I feel stupid for making it such a big deal instead of just agreeing since it's not a pressing issue. I guess my question is what am I missing here and what can I do to make things right?
TL;DR: Fiance asked if I'd shave my head when he died. I said no and he's been emotionally shut down ever since and refusing to talk about it. I'm asking how to proceed since I want to mend things.
Submitted April 29, 2023 at 06:33PM by throwawayq2q2 https://ift.tt/KnLdcgD
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