My friend [26F] is asking me [25F] for support, but she hasn't been supportive of me during life altering events

Hello everyone,

First of all, thanks for reading my post.

Last year I was suddenly hit with health issues that completely changed my life. It's been 10 months now, and I still cannot live a normal life, and I don't know if I ever will yet. I have been able to regain some of my health back and can now go on short to medium length walks some days, and can work from home. Doctors couldn't find what it was at first, and now they are finally narrowing down what's wrong.

This process has been very hard for me, as I literally had to give up everything in my life and readjust. I have been trying to do as best as I can, and trying to keep myself "busy".

This means, I can barely see my friends.

Cutting to the main topic, last summer, one of my closest friends, Ana, decided to suddenly enroll in a program. This meant she'd have to move to a city 7h away within the country for 8 months, and then move to another country. The whole program is just focused on learning 1 language and then going to work there.

This hit me hard at first, but such is life. She was busy in the new city, made new friends, got another boyfriend there, so we didn't talk much.

She came during the holidays, and we scheduled to celebrate my birthday (december baby) according to her availability. She didn't come. She told me she wanted to prioritize her family.

Cue to the following week, she started pushing me to meet up. She also asked me to open up to her and vent. I told her how I was feeling about being sick and all. She basically ghosted me for a week. I kept talking to her to schedule, but she wouldn't reply to me.

She texted me saying "damn it was bad we didn't see each other, sorry" when she had already left. This hurt me deeply, and I told her, she just said "well Im sorry".

Then, she didn't text me for 4 months. I only texted her twice because of her birthday and a song that reminded me of her. On january I was told I could have a tumor and it freaked me out for 2 months (until lab tests came back). So, I didn't have any emotional energy for a while to talk to anyone.

So, few weeks ago she is suddenly back in the city and she wants to hang out with EVERYONE. Now, she texts me and says I NEED to be there to SUPPORT HER, because she is going to move abroad soon, and she wants all her friends to be there for her because she needs us.

I told her that she telling me that hurt, because I felt she hadn't been there for me for the past few months when I needed her. She just said "Im sorry you feel that way".

Then a week later, she started blowing up my phone. I was very anxious and I didn't reply for a week. I told her I was very anxious and needed space. She kept blowing up my phone.

I ended up replying to her and basically, all she is telling me is that she needs me to be there for her and that it was all a misunderstanding and now she has been reaching out and I've been ignoring her. That she needs me because this is a huge change in her life and she is scared.

I've tried to explain to her that I'm going through a lot, and I just cannot deal with this. Doesn't seem like she understands. Some of our common friends don't seem to understand either and are acting like I'm ruining the whole friend group.

TL;DR: I've been chronically ill for a year. Emotionally, it has been a lot. My friend Ana left the city and ended up ignoring me for months. She is now back asking me to be there for her. She refuses to acknowledge she has hurt me. Some friends are somewhat siding with her. I cannot deal with this anymore and I don't know how to make them understand I just don't have the energy or resources to deal with their drama.

Submitted May 05, 2022 at 08:24AM by ultfish https://ift.tt/ya8bhBv