My wife and I have been together for eleven years. That’s a long time. We have a 2 year old daughter together. But sometimes I wonder if eleven years is as long as this relationship is meant to go.
Firstly, I love her with all my heart. We’ve built a wonderful life, both with great jobs, good incomes. We don’t fight much. We’re pretty much the same person. People have commented that she’s me in a female body. She’s my match and I’m lucky to have found her. We don’t have much to fight about.
In the last couple of years, probably right before she got pregnant with our daughter, things have become more stressful. Typically, I’m able to express something is bothering me and she does her best to modify her behavior and make me more comfortable. It’s usually a productive conversation. But more recently I’m unable to express an opinion without her becoming immediately defensive and irritated. I don’t know what got into her, but we’ve been working on our issues and things are slowly but surely getting better.
For our eleven year anniversary, we planned a trip to two cities. We live in Montana, and since it was a long flight we left our daughter with my parents. The first city we planned to visit was Richmond. We had a great time there.
The second city was her home city, Washington DC. For this visit, I had made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, followed by plans to see a musical and made us reservations at a fancy hotel.
Most of my wife’s family has moved out of DC, but she has one friend who still lives there. When we arrived in DC, she told me that her friend wanted to meet us for breakfast and she had told them we would.
Which kind of irked me considering I had already made food plans. My wife gets full quickly and I was worried if we ate breakfast she’d be too full for dinner. (She usually only eats like once a day) But I said okay, we would just have to be mindful of the time and eat lightly.
We met her friend for a late breakfast. Her friend asked her if she wanted to split this HUGE stack of pancakes with them and she said yes. I asked her if she was sure she wouldn’t be too full for dinner if she ate that, and she told me not to worry.
After breakfast was over, her friend asked if we wanted to go back to their home. I said “Actually, we have other plans and if we want to make them, we’ll have to get going now.”
But my wife piped up and said that we could go over for a little bit.
We go over to their house and my wife and her friend start drinking. It becomes obvious we’re going to miss our dinner and I’m extremely aggravated.
THEN, my wife and her friend invite some of their friends from high school over. They all sit and talk for awhile, and I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable because I’m in a room of people I don’t know and the only person I know is ignoring me.
I finally loudly say “Come on. If we’re going to see the musical we need to go now.”
She starts saying I’m “ruining the vibe”, I’m a Debbie downer, and I never let her have any fun.
I’m trying to maintain my composure as we’re around other people.
Hours later we go back to the hotel. She’s being aggressive, letting the door slam in my face, throwing luggage around, using profanity. She says I’m a “stick in the mud” a “fucking asshole”,. Says it always has to be my way or the highway.
Then she went to sleep.
The rest of our trip was tense and it was obvious both of us wanted to go home. On the flight home she started playing nice again and since we’ve been home she’s acting like nothing happened. Never apologized.
How do I handle this? Honestly, every time I think about it I feel myself growing angry all over. I feel like this is indicative of a much bigger relationship and respect problem.
Your thoughts? Anything is appreciated.
Tl;dr: Went on a special vacation for our eleventh anniversary. We had special plans and my wife blew them off to get wasted with a friend. I am heartbroken.
Submitted May 07, 2022 at 08:46PM by boatpann https://ift.tt/zFmfydN
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