In the summer my husband (39) and I (39) became friends with another couple (40's) and through them, met a second couple, I'll call them Lou (51) and Bev (33). Dating for about a year and a bit. Lou is divorced with two adult kids and has a lot of money. We all got along and hung out quite a bit. I became friends with Bev.
I always got a weird vibe from Lou. He seemed to be too flirtatious with me, but I ignored him. My husband at one point got weird and jealous and would ask me if Lou was hitting on me or being flirty. At first I thought no but after he put the idea in my head I started to see things I hadn't been paying attention to before. Lou started texting me a lot through instagram; commenting on my posts (usually pictures of my dog and cat, lol), occasionally pics of my husband and I. Me with friends. Mundane. But using it as a conversation starter. I was polite, and he would start asking things like, "how are you and husband doing? You seemed upset the other day...do you want to talk?" I ignored it. I told husband Lou made me wary; but Lou had become husband's client, so did the other couple, and there wasn't anything too overt so he didn't want to do anything.
I started to get uncomfortable for Bev especially, and suddenly Lou told me they split. We were all really surprised. He started getting worse with his texting, and I politely told him it was uncomfortable and relationships were hard blah blah, etc. but he should focus on himself.
By this time I was decent friends with Bev. We went out on our own for dinner, drinks, etc. We talked about relationships; I didn't tell her about Lou being a creep, because she was grieving their relationship. Around this time, I had a small gathering with friends and Lou basically invited himself. One of my single girlfriends, I'll call her Ann (38), took a liking to Lou. My husband suggested to Lou he should pursue something with her, so he asked her out. From day one I never thought he was super into her, and I tried to politely warn her he'd just broken up from a long term relationship, but she was not to be deterred.
They moved pretty fast, and after a few weeks they were seeing each other consistently. Came to our halloween party, couples dinners and nights out, etc. It's been about three months of this now. Lou spends winters down south in a vacation city where my father in law lives, and Ann started talking about all of us being there for new years, etc. Lou rented a place across the street from father in law. It made me super uncomfortable because he started pressuring me to come and hang out with him. The guy is a creep.
One night I see Bev for dinner and she has "news" - she's "talking" to Lou again. He's still seeing Ann, and they're planning the holidays together. My husband doesn't want me to do anything, because Lou and the other couple are his clients, but I feel torn - my friend Ann is going to get hurt, and Bev doesn't know he's dating someone else, and that person is my friend, and when she finds out she'll think I kept it from her. Ann is going to be furious I'm not telling her what I know about Lou and how he's behaving behind her back. Lou doesn't know I stayed in touch with Bev and thinks he's home free. I'm mad at my husband for not wanting me to do anything for the sake of his business and angry this is causing problems in my own relationship. My brother's advice is to tell Lou directly he shouldn't string two women along and to make a decision before it gets worse. Of course, I hate being confrontational and I do nothing but get stressed about it.
Then Ann starts complaining that Lou is getting distant, flaky, claiming he's "stressed" and feeling "off", and I have a bad feeling that he's more involved with Bev again. As if on cue, I hear from Bev who wants to meet up and tell me she and Lou are doing great, they're back together, she can't wait to see me down south for new years with Lou, etc. Lou tells Ann around that time he isn't feeling "it" and wants to end things, and she comes crying to me. She tells me they have another talk and he's crying and reconsidering and says he doesn't want to end things anymore and wants to work it out.
I'm really hating Lou right now, but is it my place to say anything? I'm probably going to want to smack Lou in the face when I see him next. I don't know how to talk to Bev or Ann. It may work itself out because I suspect it may end with Lou and Ann. Any advice appreciated. If it's just to tell me my inability to handle conflict is my undoing and I'm a shitty friend, I can take it.
TL;DR - friends are "dating" the same creep and they don't know I know and creep doesn't know I know and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Submitted November 25, 2021 at 06:51PM by snowballinthrowaway https://ift.tt/312QsxN
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