I (25/f) have been living with my partner (25/m) for almost 5 years now. We were close friends a year before we started dating.
In the beginning, it was awesome. The balance was great, there was lots of chemistry, I felt like he generally cared for me, and I for him. I often saw this incredibly smart, caring, inventive human being who I wanted to spend all my time with.
Things started to go awry about 1 year in. It started with his depression. Along with being hardly able to function (at it’s worst), when he was going through a rough patch, he would be incredibly short with me and withhold affection. So not only did I have to pick up all the slack in the home, but I also had to do this for someone who, in all honesty, just made me feel awful. The hard part is that he would just “turn it off” when he was with friends, but then when he got home, it all came back.
Next came the financial dependence. He was student teaching at the time, and I was not (though I was still a full-time student). I spent an entire year almost entirely supporting the both of us. Though I knew this would happen during his time student teaching, he had many chances to make money on the side, and chose not to do them. I felt very underappreciated during this period.
Fast-forward to today. We are in couple’s therapy, and all the info below has been communicated to him.
He ended up seeking help for his depression. He is on medication and going to therapy. However, it seems things have reached a plateau. Though he is hardly ever at the point of incapacitation anymore, he still OFTEN has bouts of depression, and depends on me to do housework, cook, do shopping, errands etc. This has absolutely killed our sex life as I just feel like a mom and not a girlfriend, and really just have no desire to be intimate anymore. It also feels like he hardly puts in any effort to spend time together anymore. Just a very lonely feeling. I also rarely get thanks for pulling the weight of this relationship, and feel it is expected of me.
In terms of financials, he has lost several jobs due to being disorganized and generally apathetic, and I have been the breadwinner for our entire relationship. He has close to a full-time job now, but still depends on me for health insurance, uses my cars, and generally spends outside of his limits. He absolutely cannot afford to live on his own, and I fear a big part of why he is with me is because he knows this.
I’m at a loss. When things are good, they’re SO good. But I feel things are only good a few days per month. I desperately love this man, but am so sick and tired of feeling used and being in an unbalanced relationship. I don’t want to give up on this relationship (our lives are so intertwined at this point), but I also don’t want to live like this, and don’t know what the last straw will be. I also worry about what will happen to him if I leave him since he will be without a car, health insurance, and can’t afford a place to live on his own. Are there any good next steps here? Is there any chance of having that balanced relationship with the guy I first met?
TL;DR: 5 years with my partner. Depression and financial dependence has made our relationship devolve into me feeling like a mother instead of a girlfriend and resenting my partner. Wondering if the dynamic could ever be shifted, or if I need to call it quits.
Submitted October 31, 2021 at 10:59AM by Few-Elderberry401 https://ift.tt/31fGoRL
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