(TW: Homophobia)
My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and I have been together since the start of college, roughly three months. We’ve been inseparable since the second week, he’s honestly amazing and we’ve both been painfully vulnerable with each other. He’s even gone home with me on a weekend trip to meet my parents. For context: we’re both religious, him more so than me. He was raised in a private christian school all of his life and all of his best friends are in his youth group, whereas I don’t know how I feel about God.
The issue arose last night when (let’s call him James) James and I were hanging out in my dorm. We were in my bed laughing over a dirty joke when he made the comment that he’d prefer to wait until marriage. This threw me off for a couple of reasons: he’s spent the night on many occasions, we’ve showered together, I’ve even gone down on him multiple nights in a row (which has ceased for the moment due to a lack of any type of reciprocation). I am his first everything: first date, first kiss, first girlfriend. He knows that I’ve had several relationships previous, one that even lasted two years, but he isn’t the type to ask questions. I realized that he might be assuming that I was still a virgin. He’s talked about us getting married far into the future, but I have always been open and honest about not wanting to get married ever, or at least not until i’m in my 30s (i have NO interest in being a child bride).
I feel stuck here because he’s saving himself for marriage, I don’t want to get married at all if not for a long while, and there’s no way I could go years without sex. I don’t want to make him compromise on his beliefs, but it would be a huge mistake to marry someone young just to have sex like so many Christians do.
So last night, I told James that I’m not a virgin but that I would respect his decision to wait and ever since then he’s been very quiet. He stayed the night and hardly slept at all. This morning I slipped out to go running and he still hasn’t gotten out of bed yet. I’m still out and to be honest, I’m so nervous to go back. He said it wasn’t a dealbreaker and that he loves me, but I think he might end things over it.
He had a very hard time dealing with the fact that I am bisexual, something I have been very open about. We haven’t spoken since, how do I explain to him that I don’t regret losing my virginity before him without hurting his feelings? I stand behind my decision because I gave it to someone I was in a loving relationship with for two years. I believe that way too much emphasis is placed on the virginity of women, and I don’t see this as something worth breaking up over. Is virginity a big deal?
TL;DR: My boyfriend is saving himself for marriage, I told him I am not a virgin. He and I have not spoken since, how do I explain to him that I don’t regret losing it in a previous relationship? Is virginity a big deal?
Submitted November 20, 2021 at 09:52AM by Loose_Blackberry_120 https://ift.tt/3qZRzJ8
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