I’ve spent the last ten years defending it, saying it was consensual and that age gaps don’t matter. We broke up many times over the years but were on and off throughout. The last time, I broke up with him for the first time (usually it was me being dumped). I realized how much the relationship was hurting me, not because he’s abusive, but because he just could not be there for me in any way. He’d make promises and then let me down again and again. He is also extremely private and guarded, and I caught him in a few lies. I felt like I had to always fight to keep him interested.
The way he was when we first met was so different. He flew to where I lived and got a hotel. He worshipped me, was obsessed with me. I was just starting university and still lived with my parents. I didn’t know anything. He made fun of me for holding the fork and knife like a kid. I look back now and all I see is how young I was. I would never date anyone that young, I wouldn’t even date anyone younger than 25.
I’ve started questioning, how could he have found me attractive at that age, when I was still such a teenager? I’m scared to ask the question because I’m terrified of letting him go. So much of the last ten years of my life revolve around him and who I became because of him. He has such a power over me, it’s hard to explain. Even though we’ve been distant through most of it, every once and a while we would connect in such profound ways.
Is there something inherently wrong here or could this have been an ethical relationship? Am I overthinking it?
TLDR: Had a consensual relationship with a 35 year old when I was 17 and have never been able to fully let go. Was this an ethical relationship or was the age gap an inherent problem?
Submitted November 25, 2021 at 10:55PM by throwaway_withhope https://ift.tt/316s6Df
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