2nd year student at uni and finally getting to meet new people due to the easing of covid restrictions. I basically met a lovely group of girls at uni in my class, my full year is in a huge group chat also.
I only have one in person class, over the weeks/months they’ve made me realise just through sharing their own life experiences how much my anxiety impacts me on a daily basis. I don’t quite know how to explain it.
They all have boyfriends except from one girl and they all have loads of friends but I tend to be quite a reserved and introverted person that people often forget about from time to time because I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself at times. I’m single and if I like a guy or match with them on tinder, I won’t speak first or ask them out, tell them that I like them etc out of fear of being ridiculed or worrying that they’ll say I’m being weird or creepy which is just what I think in my head.
I’m the exact same when it comes to making new friends, I’ll barely go up to anyone and start a conversation out of the fear that they’ll think I’m strange or acting weird. Same with my seminars I’ll rarely answer questions out of fear of being mocked or laughed at by others. I don’t know why I feel this way as I’ve never been bullied and the thoughts are always just in my head and never happen but to me they’re real and I can’t shift past them…
Sometimes I worry I’m not good enough because I spend a lot of time on my own and have only really had one relationship, these girls talk about how they used to hook up with guys in the past and find it weird I haven’t had sex in over a year just because I don’t want to ‘hook up’ I’m nervous enough just meeting people in general in case they judge me from the start. I feel like my anxiety has got worse after the pandemic because we’ve all been locked away from a lot of social interaction.
I really want to change but I don’t know how. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of chances in life because I’ve been too reserved and have been so worried about my pride, fear of rejection, fear of asking a guy out on a date in case he feels I’m desperate or something.
I have been let down and led on in the past, I’ve also had a lot of controlling ‘relationships’ between other people I.e friends or guys I haven’t properly dated.
TL:DR my life seems to be controlled by my anxiety and my thoughts of ‘what if’ If anyone else can relate to this or has any tips please let me know. I feel so hopeless.
Submitted November 04, 2021 at 05:52PM by HighlyConfusedd https://ift.tt/3o11JWJ
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