My partner and I have been together for almost 9 years, have lived together for 3 and we have a son together who is 9 months old. We did get together really young and it wasn't the best relationship, we argued alot from the get go and broke up a couple of times in the early years but have been consistently together now for 7 years. My partner has always had a bad temper, he starts to shout very quickly during an argument and to begin with I was not the type to shout but now I'm almost as bad as him. I've also caught him out on lying about taking drugs, coke specifically on a good number of occasions. He doesn't take it often, only when he's out with his friends which isn't that frequent and honestly I think its something I wouldn't be happy with but would let go if it hadn't been for the fact that he always lies about it. I end up finding out he's lied and understandably am angry that he's lied to me again and I think even though I express my feelings he associates the anger with him taking drugs rather than the lying so then the next time he decides it would be easier to lie again.. thus the cycle continues. While 8 months pregnant I discovered 3 instances that he had lied, two of which I had ended up cleaning coke off of surfaces in my house (while pregnant) but was promised at the time that it wasn't coke... im not stupid of course I knew it was a lie but he wouldn't admit to it at the time but later did. He has hurt me alot of this relationship but in little ways, ruining my birthday by getting too drunk before we went out for my bday meal, putting other people before me, went to a chalet as a last trip just the two of us before out baby was born in which he got drunk.. I was pregnant and obviously couldn't do that so just watched him get drunk and it ruined the trip for me. None of which are massive things but when these things are relatively frequent and don't come as a surprise they hurt more. I also went through a horrible long period of depression and even to this day when I tell him that all I needed was for him to treat me normal and take my mind off how I felt he claims I expected him to fix me, at the time of my depression ill even go as far as to say he made me feel worse by saying things like he didn't like coming home from work on a Friday to find me like "that" and basically made it out like I was a burden. So basically there's a lot of hurt there. But there's also lots of love to and I know that's hard to get across cause I'm having to tell you all the negative parts. I'm not innocent in this either, I have a really hard time letting things go. I'm constantly bringing up his mistakes in the past and can't seem to push past them. He hasn't lied or at least I don't think he has since the last big 3 when I was pregnant, he also hasn't really done anything bad but we do argue a fair bit about household things like normal couples do. I asked for a bit of extra help twice in the first couple months of our son being here and he would take that as me saying he does nothing and would like to remind me that he was the one going to work, I think it was then that I realised my feelings where changing. The annoying part is since then he's been great with my son and helps out more than most dad's but it still sticks in my head that I came to him and asked for help twice and got shut down. I've told him other the last few months how my feelings where changing, mostly because I was desperate for a way to stop that from happening and go back to how I'd felt before. We argued today and in a horrible spiteful moment I told him I didn't love him, and he said "what and you think I fucking love you" and that broke me, hypocritical I know but i think I thought if one of us kept fighting then we would be okay but now it feels like there's no one to fight for us. It's probably my fault, I've doubted out relationship for a while and now made him doubt it so I've brought this on both of us. I can't stand the thought of us not being a family but don't know if there's any way to fix this.
Tl:dr can I fix my relationship when I cant let go the past? If you're feelings change can they change back
Submitted November 05, 2021 at 06:26AM by boringassmum https://ift.tt/3CTtDKO
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