I [F40s] caught my husband [M40s] in a lie, and today he's freaking out at me because I turned off our home cameras while working from home. Accusing my of lying and manipulating him? What did I do here?

I [F40s] think every time my husband [M40s] gets caught doing something wrong, he tries to make everyone else, especially me, look bad or at fault. Does he actually have a point?

Last night, my daughter comes up to me with her Dad's old phone and we start playing her little bubble breaker game. My husband is still signed into a messenger account, and suddenly I'm seeing a real time exchange between my husband and a woman he's inviting to his office. He works on call, night shift, and while he's waiting for an emergency he has a private office, and he's explaining to this woman how she needs a break and how "cozy" it is.

I'm already on edge because the last time he was gone, I opened our shared computer to his Google Voice texting left open, telling some complete stranger how he's a fit, well hung guy in town for work. (He denies he cheated, got mad at me for spying on him when he was literally signed into the Google account.)

I called him right away, and he didn't answer, texted me he was about to start a conference call. Yes, at nine at night on Memorial Day. So I called and then texted the number of the woman he was communicating with. She had NO IDEA he was married, told me my husband had picked her up at a bar and then invited her out, and invited her for the late night visit to his office. She apologized, said it was flirtatious but I talked to her before it thankfully went anywhere. She was fully under the impression the invite was as more than friends.

Finally husband calls and is pissed because he's "allowed to have female friends." I'm not taking that excuse because his "friends" have been proven to be more in the past. But do we talk about that? No, he's telling me that he doesn't have to be a husband because I am failing him by being a lazy slob and don't support him. I can't be trusted. I'm not a wife because I don't keep the house clean enough. I point out I work I highly stressful job pushing 55+ hours a week and I am with my toddler in the mornings and evenings. He claims I can clean after she goes to bed, post 9:30 or so. He claims that when he's home he "tears it up," and he does, but he also has way more leisure and down time than I do. If he sees me taking a break or sleeping in I'm lazy. I point out that despite working a 12 hour on call shift, he's actually home for more days off than I am. He has a full week off, every other week. Nope, he handles outdoor chores so the house is mine.

This morning I called in to tell work I was working from home, I was too bothered to be able to hide my emotions at the office so I did my calls and interviews for the day at home. Dropped my kiddo off at Gramma's like we scheduled, dropped a return at the store and came home.

In the house I turned off the security camera my husband has set up to "see what the dog is up to all day." I also covered our Nest doorbell. About 30 minutes later, my MIL shows up with my daughter as I'm on a call saying my husband told her the cameras were disabled and I wasn't working today so to come over. Apparently, he was "very very worried" about me. Funny, he never called or texted me to say he was worried. I'm three minutes from joining an interview call, my kid is screaming because now she wants to stay home, I finally get that handled, get on the call and text my husband "WTF?"

He replies with "you're a liar, connect the cameras, what do you have to hide?" I'm trying to figure out what the hell is the actual problem and he's texting me to quit lying to his mom and he's accusing me of deleting the front door video history. (I didn't, it's still there.) I told him I put the piece of tape we cover the doorbell with when he's at home on because I didn't need it beeping every time the dog walked in and out the open door. Nope, clearly I'm deflecting according to him, and I'm a manipulative liar. I told him if he's so concerned, he should put a camera on himself and let me watch him and he says "oh, minimize, you have skills" and "deflecting I see."

This type of thing happens every time I catch him lying, and I'm honestly baffled by it. Am I the crazy one here? What did I do wrong?

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tl;dr: Caught my [F40s] husband [M40s] in a lie and what seems to be an attempt to cheat last night, today he flips out that I'm clearly doing something awful because I disabled our in home camera when I came home to work. What am I doing wrong here?

Submitted June 01, 2021 at 04:48PM by panicprincess406 https://ift.tt/2SSig3G