Looking for some words of advice here as I'm in a tricky situation.
TL;DR at the bottom!
Husband (36) and I (34) have the ability to leave the states to immigrate to his home country. We've lived together here in the US for 12 years and he's decided that this place isn't for him. Although it took many conversations and heartfelt discussions, I decided that I would support this move. The country we will be moving to has a phenomenal health care system, a decent education system in place and really seems to have (most of) it's act together. His family who hasn't seen him in years are excited about this move and await us with open arms.
We are planning to tentatively travel to literally the other side of the world for the next chapter of our life. We are both in a decent situation (no kids, loans, decent financial situation etc) and feel we should do this now rather than later. It's a big risk, but we're willing to give it a try.
My mother (69), who is a widow, has been told of our plans this numerous times and usually just waves it off or gives me some many reasons why its a bad idea to go (job security, how will we transport the dog over, things will get better in the states, this is just a phase we will eventually regret, etc).
For the first time this evening, she broke down and finally said that she would feel awful if we left her. She rarely expresses her feelings and I made a BIG point in saying how I acknowledged what she was saying- appreciating THIS as a response to our plans.
Family is not SUPER nearby for her and she does live alone. She has numerous social outlets from book groups, walking friends and even volunteers at one of the gardens on a weekly basis. My mother is more social than I am at this point. Yet she says all of those social experiences are not the same compared to us (which I understand).
My mother is "unique" in that most of my experiences with her are frustrating ones. We get along but our encounters are fairly superficial- in that we never really ask each other about feelings, etc. She's not a super nurturing person and talking about this kind of stuff is really hard for her. My mother is normally cold to me, not abusive or rude, a tad narcissistic and abrasive.
Husband and I have had discussions about my mother privately. We were hoping she may want to join us someday (she adamantly refused this option when I brought it up). We've also discussed that this is a hard decision- and although some folks may not like it, this is for us to decide (and thrive and/or crash and burn).
What do I do here? What do I say to my mother? I can't have my future plans revolve around her, but I feel awful about the idea of leaving her here. I feel like I've been told to pick between my husband or my mother.
TL;DR: Husband and I want to move to his home country after 12 years in the states. Mom who lives alone expresses how she would feel so upset by this move away from her. HALP.
Submitted June 28, 2021 at 10:41PM by dilemmathrowaway101 https://ift.tt/3dsvtHA
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