My husband (34M) sat me (28F) down to tell me he needs more intimacy and touch in our relationship. I've been making attempts but he is continually rejecting me

We've been together for 8 years, married for 4. We have a 2.5 year old. Like a lot of couples we struggled when our baby was born. We've been trying to talk more lately and have been working on mending our relationship. We're both in individual therapy and are going to attend couple's therapy once we can find a therapist.

A little bit of background, I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I enjoy sex when I'm having it but I don't really crave it or want it like most people. I honestly don't notice when months have gone by with no sex. My husband has a pretty low libido as well. At our best we were having sex a couple of times a month and were both happy with that.

That said we spent a lot of time together going out on dates, cuddling on the couch, etc. We lost that between the baby and the pandemic. It's been a tough couple of years for us. He didn't step up the way he should have with parenting/household duties but he has acknowledged it and we're working on getting a good balance of responsibilities between us now. My resentment for that contributed to me not wanting to be intimate in any way with him. I felt like his mom and that wasn't sexy. We're both working to get our connection back.

The other night we had a big talk and basically he said he feels 'touch starved'. We agreed that it was on both of us and we both need to make more of an effort.

It's hard because in the last couple years when I did reach out, he rejected it. I remember the night when I just stopped trying. I had a hard night and I really needed some support. I reached out for a hug and he gave me a quick light squeeze and then dropped his arms and just stood there. I kept hugging him and it felt like he was just waiting for it to be over. It was so heartbreaking for me. This was after a long time of him saying 'that's uncomfortable' after 20 seconds of holding my hand or 'my shoulder hurts' while he shrugged me off when I leaned my head on him. (I told him all of this a few months ago and said I needed him to step up in initiating touch since I feel very rejected).

Yesterday I made an effort to create some connection. When I got home from work he was watching videos with our son. I sat down on the couch with them and asked about his day. While I was telling him about my day, he pulled out his phone and didn't notice when I trailed off. He was passing by me later on and I went in for a hug. He dodged it and said he needed to use the bathroom. After our son went to sleep, he immediately turned the tv on, when the other day he said he wanted to have more conversation with me. He made no effort to touch me in any way.

Today when I came downstairs after putting our son to bed he was watching a video on his phone. I sat down right next to him and leaned in to cuddle. He didn't look up from his phone and didn't react in any way. I stayed there for a minute, but it was clear that he wasn't going to interact so I got up to do my own thing.

I just don't get it. I don't know how to fix this. How do I get him to understand that he plays a huge role in our lack of intimacy?

TL;DR my husband wants me to touch him more, but when I try to he rejects me. I can't figure out what's going on and need advice on how to talk to him about it

Submitted June 28, 2021 at 08:33PM by throwra_0707 https://ift.tt/2Tm0Mgm