My estranged father (64M) moved across country to be near me (27F) and my daughter (2F), but it turns out I can’t stand him and he is a huge burden.

My father left for a different state across country when I was 8 years old due to drug and alcohol abuse. He has been very distant in my life since then. I only talked to him on my birthday or Christmas. I see him one every 5 to 10 years. Now that he is in his older age (64) and has had a recent near death hospital stay (due to over drinking) he has decided to change his life and stop drinking. He voiced wanting to move back near me to be close with my daughter (2) and make amends with me. At first this idea seemed plausible. He did end up coming in July 2020 amidst the covid outbreak. He does not have a car or job. He was advised by his neurologist to not drive after his hospital stay due to some mild shaking that comes and goes. He is on social security disability. I have helped him move twice already since he has been here. Since he is unable to drive he relies on me to get groceries and his meds from the pharmacy, and t transport him to all of his doctor appointments. He has already had two inpatient stays and one surgery since he’s been here. He also does not know how to manage his money and always asking to borrow. He does repay me when he gets paid, but just asks for more when he runs out, so what’s the point? He always tries to buy myself and my daughter things when I know he can’t afford it. I feel like he tries to buy me, and it make me feel like I owe him. I hate this feeling. This whole situation has really been a burden on me and I was not expecting to be, basically, a care taker to my dad. I feel like he moved down here to be taken care of. Even his siblings where he was stopped taking him places and tending to him because they had their own lives to attend to. I totally get that now. I also do not like my dads personality. I did not know this until he moved down here, as I never had the opportunity to spend quality time with him before. I don’t like his sense or humor, his arrogance, and his overall “woe is me”demeanor. He has a special way of making you feel bad for him. I cannot stand it. I hate going over to visit, but if I don’t, I feel guilty because he has nobody else here. I also have things going on in my own life. I am a stay at home mom. My daughter is having extensive hip surgery next month and will be in a body cast for weeks. And I am 8 months pregnant with my second child. I do have an older brother (38) that lives close, but he does not help much with our dad since he has a full time job and family. I am expected to take care of my dad more since I don’t have a “real job”. His wife also wears the pants and doesn’t allow him to help my dad much as she doesn’t like him at all. How do I cope with feeling like he is my responsibility just because he is my dad? I have trouble telling him “no” due to guilt of him having nobody else. I wish he never moved down. Any advice is welcome.

TL;DR my dad with health issues moved to be closer to me after being absent my whole life. He is now a huge burden to me and I can’t even stand him as a person. I regret him moving here completely.

Submitted June 27, 2021 at 09:36AM by GORE_geous https://ift.tt/3qvINAz