My (23f) mom was just diagnosed with cancer, roommate/friend (22F) blew up on me for not hanging out with her and said my family issues aren't an excuse to be a bad friend. Am I overreacting by not wanting to be friends anymore?

I moved in with my roommate "D" two months ago and it's completely changed our friendship. I live with her and her best friend K. They've known each other for seven years, and I've known D for only one. Since moving in, I've noticed some bizarre behavior from D, towards both K and I. Examples include: 1) D calling K when she visited her grandparents for 3 days and asking if she's planning to come home soon or if she is fine with wasting her rent, 2) texting both K and I whenever either of us is not home and asking when we will be home 3) getting upset with me for being in my room with my boyfriend when he comes over, and urging us to come to the living room and hang out all together instead.

The list goes on, and after sitting down and talking with K to get some insight (not coming from a place of shit-talking but rather "hey, I've been noticing these things and I know you've been friends for a while so I was wondering if this is normal for her and how you suggest I handle it"), I've learned that she always likes to be included in everyone's plans and does not like to be alone, thus the weird almost parent-like dynamic of her always wanting to know where we are. K said she has always been this way, and that she doesn't like it either but knows it will not change.

This would've been manageable and something I'd be willing to talk about with her and resolve, if not for a recent incident that honestly turned me off from wanting to be her friend entirely. I was leaving to hang out with my childhood best friend, who I've introduced D to. The three of us hang out frequently, but on this particular day my friend J and I had plans for just us two. No big deal, D and J just met two months ago anyway. About 30 mins after I leave I get a text from her saying "you're fucked up for not inviting me and thinking I wouldn't notice, I don't fuck with that bullshit so keep that in mind."

I'm of course thrown off by this, but I try and empathize and tell her I apologize for not considering how she might have wanted to come. I assume we're all good. The part that really set me off is once I came home, she's all fake smiles and tells me it's okay and that she loves me, but then I find out she texted K saying "I don't care if she's going through things with her mom, that's not an excuse to treat me like shit." (My mom was diagnosed with cancer this month).

I'm extremely disturbed by her ability to say that confidently and think she's somehow a priority and that it was necessary for her to lash out because I hung out with my friend without extending the invitation. I recognize that cutting ties and moving out might be unrealistic, but am I crazy for wanting to?!

TLDR; My friend/new roommate of 2 months who dislikes being alone and wants to be included in everything lashed out on me for hanging out with someone without her, and said that just because my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer doesn't mean I have an excuse to treat people like shit. Am I rational for having no desire to fix this, but rather accept the red flags and move on from this friendship?

Submitted October 22, 2020 at 08:30PM by allysonidk https://ift.tt/3m8YSZe