My (28f) sister (37f) and I have always had an up and down relationship since we were young. With the age difference, our personalities often clashed. She's a very bossy, outspoken, blunt person with little compassion. I'm the complete opposite. She's known for her explosive and nasty streak and doesn't think before she speaks most of the time. However, as we have gotten older, we have got closer and have had less fallouts since she became a mother.
We've never had a competitive relationship. Because she's older, I've never wanted her life and she's never wanted mine. We are completely different from each other and I never thought of her to want to get the same out of her life as I want out of mine. She ended up having a baby, and took a different path of life to mine. She was diagnosed with MS in her 20s, had to give up work and never expected to be able to have kids so when she fell pregnant we were all shocked but delighted and her little boy has changed her life. Since she had her son, I've supported her through everything and we have become much closer through it.
My sister, I guess due to the fact she doesn't have much of a social life now since becoming a parent and cutting off people that didn't support her in being a parent (she's very brutal), latches on to social media, over shares and promotes her life as being perfect. But I know the truth behind it all - she's not happy in her relationship, she basically used her partner to get pregnant after just 4 months of dating, she struggles as a parent but still does a wonderful job. But she has to be seen to have a perfect life on social media. She needs people to think she has it great. She's one of these people who wants people to sympathise but also be slightly envious of her in equal measure.
So fast forward to last December - my partner and I were offered to opportunity to buy our first home and we went ahead and bought a lovely house together. We've been together 8 years and are so happy together. My sister, straight away when I told her we were buying a house, surprised me by saying 'I'm so jealous' and kept saying it over and over even after the purchase went through. A couple of months after we got our house, she kept saying she wanted a house of her own. I told her she should look into it but that it was a huge commitment so to make sure she could do it. Noone helped me when I bought but I basically walked her through the entire process for the 3 months it took for it all to go through. Put her on to my solicitors and broker, advised on her options, assisted when the seller was being difficult and kept her motivated when the process got tough.
She started to become quite bitter when the process would halt for her. On one occasion she turned up uninvited whilst we were in the middle of building multiple wardrobes. It took us a few mins to get her in the house because there were boxes everywhere and when she finally got in (not acknowledging the fact we were clearly busy) she walked in and said 'your house is proper tip - and them boxes stink of piss as well'. This was a turning point for me as ever since then, I've lost patience with her. This is the sort of person she is all the time, very negative and snappy and doesn't consider other people before she speaks. Feels happier when she's said something judgemental rather than something nice.
Once she got her house, she started buying things that I had in my house. Wanted the links to furniture we had, would buy decor we had, would ask for my opinion over her own partner's and I would have to say to her it doesn't matter what I think, you're the people living there, do what makes you happy etc. She treats her partner awful. I don't know how he puts up with being treated worse than a dog but he does.
Anyway, so just 2 months ago, my partner proposed out of the blue. Nobody was expecting it (most of all me!) and absolutely everybody has been made up for us. Everybody - but my sister. She was one of the first people I called. At first she shrugged it off as a joke, but once she realised it was genuine, she seemed happy. But she went extreme - saying she was so happy, that she loved my partner as a brother and couldn't wait to go dress shopping. I thought this is great - it's all gonna be exciting from here.
But no. It lasted about 2 weeks and then when I started organising the wedding, she turned nasty. At first she said I was ridiculous for planning it so soon. I said as we had overseas guests to consider, we needed plans to be in place as much time ahead as possible. When we found our dream venue and booked it, she said it was very OTT in her opinion and couldn't believe we were spending a lot of money on a wedding (a wedding we're doing at about 1/2 the cost of your average wedding). The final nail in the coffin for me was when she called me to ask if I was going to join slimming world now that I was engaged as I had motivation now to lose weight.
I have now stopped talking to her about it as she brings nothing but bitterness. I've had a really tough time in my 20s and I feel like I'm finally at a really good place in my life (something I've worked for, not been handed). I want to enjoy this chapter of my life, I'm surrounding myself with positive people and genuinely absolutely everybody is so happy for us. But she has become this green eyed monster I didn't think existed in our relationship and she has now stopped talking to me outside of asking me about Christmas and asking for my help with odd bits. She posts a lot online about her life, sometimes too much, purely for the purpose of fishing for responses from her online friends. I respond, give her the attention she wants, tell her how great she is doing. But she has stopped being my sister now and is treating me like some acquaintance. She's created some competition that has never been there nor needs to be there and it's driving me mad.
I know it's down to jealousy - our mum has said the same thing and can't understand why. I've never done anything to her, I've literally only ever been her rock and supported her through everything. I am her biggest fan and always over enthuse when things go great for her so she knows that there's only positive vibes from me. But now, for once in my life, that I'm actually allowing myself to put myself first and be happy for myself, she can't stand it. She won't even respond to me on social media now or like anything I post. It's got so petty.
Shes an aggressive person so not someone you can confront or approach. But I'm also not sure how to deal with it now. I always thought things like this would bring us closer but since last December, she's turned our relationship into a rivalry I never would have wanted. If she continues like this I wouldn't want her as a bridesmaid. That's not me being a bridezilla but as someone who has spent their whole life pleasing everybody else and never herself, I just want to have one chance for it to be about my happiness and she is absolutely draining me. What am I to do? Sorry for the essay - feels good to get it off my chest though.
Tldr; sister has turned our relationship into a one-sided rivalry and seems to be out to ruin my excitement constantly about getting married amongst other things. How to deal with someone like that who you're meant to be close to?
Submitted December 07, 2019 at 03:30PM by heygotanygrapess https://ift.tt/2DV2om3
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