My(30sM) wife(30sF) of 5 years has put us in debt and I am not sure I am reacting to it in a right way

TL:DR My wife has put us in debt and its like I dont see how serious this is. Im afraid that this will one day ruin our marriage.

So my wife has a problem with shopping. She shops all the time. In the beginning of our marriage I tried to be strict with it but I felt like such a huge jerk for controling our money and being cheap. It didnt help that a close family member was having a husband that was the same. I thought being a good husband was to say yes to everything(yes it was stupid, I am immature). Thats where our problems started. My wife started to shop more and more. And when we started to have kids she started to shop more. So much that we right now are in debt. Our debt is now almost 10 000 dollars and its only for stupid things like clothes and toys. She had gathered so much debt that we had to take a loan in my name to pay off all other loans. We will now be paying back that for at least 4 years. When we took the loan I told her that we cant be buying more stuff. In that time the loan was only for 7000 dollars. She agreed but she hasnt stopped. Just recently she mentioned that we are up 3000 dollars in debt again. She feels bad and sometimes cant sleep but says if she didnt feel bad she would continue.

The problem is my reaction. I dont get mad. I know that we cant live like this. I am afraid that we wont be able to give our kids a good life because we will always be in debt. She say she cares about the kids and want to give them good things but doesnt see that this short term thinking is ruining our chances. I dont know if this thinking comes from her growing up with a dad that gave her everything. He always gave her what she wanted.

I just dont know what to do. I know I should get angry but how will that help? I cant give her an ultimatum. And I dont feel I have a moral highground. I am struggling with getting out from a porn addiction so I am not a good husband either. I am just so afraid that this will come bite our marriage in the ass in the end. I dont know what to do. We make a budget but it doesnt help.

Submitted December 07, 2019 at 02:02PM by throwthrowitaway8889 https://ift.tt/2DUvH8a