Throwaway for obvious reasons. My fiancé and I have been dating for five years and were good friends for a few years prior to that. We met in college and had a lot of the same friends. Our wedding is scheduled for October of 2020 and I’m very excited to be marrying my best friend.
A while before we started dating, my fiancé (who I’ll call M from now on) tried setting me up with one of his friends, who we’ll call C. M told me that C was a really stand up guy and “not like any of the other jerks [I’ve] dated.” C and I hit it off and M was proud that he had set up two of his good friends up with each other, and things were good for a while. About 5 months pass that C and I were dating, and suddenly he stops replying to my texts, snapchats, etc. I ask M if he’s heard from C recently, and says that he’s been texting him like he normally does. I text C one more time to remind him of the week-long group camping trip in the John Muir Wilderness (outside Yosemite) that M had planned for a few of us, and that if he plans on going still I’d appreciate it if he would tell me what’s going on. C admits that he is exclusive with someone else now and that’s why he hasn’t returned any of my texts. I express that I’m frustrated that he didn’t just say that, and irritated that I had to reach out to him to spare the awkwardness that might arise at said camping trip If I hadn’t. He apologizes and we move on.
Fast forward another few months to M and I starting to date. We are finally gearing up for this camping trip and M is noticeably irritable on night one. I talk to him in the tent and he asks me if I still have feelings for C. I deny and ask him what prompted it, to which he says we’re acting “friendly” with one another. I reassure him that nothing is going on and we are just friends. Unfortunately this wasn’t reassuring because we had the same conversation every time after we’d be in a group setting with C.
Eventually, it got to the point where it was emotionally stressing me out and I felt that I was being shamed for having dated C. Because I didn’t want to lose M, I removed/blocked C on all social media and told M I wasn’t going to speak to him anymore. I felt that this was childish and unfair, but it wasn’t a hill I wanted to die on and my relationship with M was worth far more than mine with C.
Fast forward again to present day. My fiancé and I are going over the guest list for our wedding and he says he plans on inviting C, to which I said I don’t want him at my wedding. My fiancé says that was years ago and I should move past it, and that he and C have remained good friends over the years. I told him I didn’t think it was fair since I couldn’t have stayed friends with C without my fiancé’s insecurity about having previously dated C getting in the way of our relationship.
I obviously don’t care for C and realize this is just as much my fiancé’s wedding as it is mine, but I’m taken aback by my fiancé’s mindset that he can have his cake and eat it too. I’m bummed because C and I were starting to be ok with being just friends when I felt pressured to block him.
Am I unreasonable for this? I’m partially hung up on the principle that I don’t want any ex of mine at my own wedding, but also frustrated that my husband doesn’t see that I sacrificed a friendship for this new relationship. I’m not asking them to not remain friends, just that I don’t want him present at our wedding.
I’m excited to marry my fiancé, but I also don’t want to budge on this. Should we seek therapy for it?
Tl;dr: my fiancé pressured me to stop contacting my ex/his good friend when we first started dating, and now wants to invite him to our wedding.
Submitted December 24, 2019 at 01:13PM by monsteradaddylongleg https://ift.tt/2MrYhmm
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