my (25F) partner's (25M) mother (mid40sF) does not like me, says she misses his ex from 2+ years ago

TL;DR : partner's mother doesn't like me, but i don't understand why

my partner and i are in a slightly LDR (1.5 hours away) and have been together for over a year. We lived together for ~3 months out of convenience ($) 6 months into our relationship, but decided to live apart after the lease was up for a multitude of reasons. He now lives with his parents atm (also for a multitude of reasons not worth getting into.) We've been together for over a year and now that we're LDR i see him a few times a month...around 4ish, usually for two days or so at a time.

When we first got together and I met his family, he said that they loved me. I've been nothing but polite and kind when I spend time at their house (limited. as adults, it's easier to spend time at my house where I live with two peer roommates). I've cooked for them, given thoughtful gifts at holidays, communicate thoughtfully and kindly with his mother, father, and sister when it's applicable. I've always felt inadequate around them, but have done my absolute best to show them my authentic self while still maintaining great manners and kindness towards them.

She recently told him over text that he is spending his time with people who let him "slide" (meaning me. he does not see his friends often because of the LDR) while he was with me. He also told me that she told him she misses his ex girlfriend from over 2 years ago because he was his "best self" when he was dating her. He's reassured me that his mother's opinion doesn't influence how he feels about me, but I still feel sad/anxious/guilty for no reason/misunderstood. I don't want this to effect my relationship with him, but am afraid it will regardless of the fact that he does not agree with his family's expectations of him/how he lives his life. I am also worried that her opinion will sway the way the rest of his family feels about me (ex. his maternal grandparents that he and I spend time with love me but am afraid of his mom changing that)

I don't understand what I've done to cause her to feel this way towards me. I support my partner in his graduate program as he finishes, job search, family dramas that come up and support him making amends within his boundaries with his family when they have conflict. I've worked very hard not to be clingy and be respectful of both his and his family's boundaries. Is there anything I can do to remedy this? What am I doing wrong?

Edit: some folks are saying that he shouldn’t have told me...I should clarify that I brought this up with him myself, and pulled info out of him. He was reluctant to tell me and I pushed. Needless to say, I think I’ve learned my lesson about being nosey.

Submitted December 02, 2019 at 10:00AM by femmeandunbothered https://ift.tt/2RaaNKh