My dad (M60) is upset I don’t want to invite his mother (F80’s) to my (f21) graduation and it is causing tension

My dad (m60) is upset I don’t want to invite his mother (f80’s) to my (f21) graduation. I am graduating from university and I am very proud of this.

In the invitations that I bought I was making a list of people that I care about that I want there. My dad said don’t forget my grandma and I told him I already made an invitation to my grandparents. These adopted grandparents of mine have been with me since I was 9 and have always treated me like family. They have always supported and loved me despite not being biologically related to me. My dad got upset and said “I mean your real grandma”. I told him if he means his mother than I did not make her one.

He goes off on me about all that he has done and supported me that I cannot do this one thing for him. That she is just a woman set in her old ways and raised him so I have to respect her. I told him if she cared so much then how come she hasn’t gotten to know me in the past 21 years. Instead this woman belittles my sister and I constantly. She would always compare us to her grandsons and make slight of any accomplishment my sister and I made. We had to work for any kind word from this woman. She also criticized my mother for not being a stay at home wife and for being a lousy homemaker. Anything my mother did she criticzied. I still remember her telling my dad right in front of us that he needs to have a son. She said a grandson could carry on the family name and his brothers have sons. She more or less said I have less value because I am a female.

I told my dad that I have no connection to her beside blood and he yells at me that it’s not her fault and she is widowed. My sister wants me to just invite her to college graduation to make my dad happy, but I could not imagine spending a day with her. I could write countless stories about how she would try to get my sister and I to clean up after my male cousins and yell at us for upsetting them. I haven’t talked to the woman since her husband died about 5 years ago. It’s gotten to the point my dad said if she isn’t invited then he won’t go. My mom says my dad will cool down, but I’m not going to pretend this woman is my grandmother. My grandparents have always loved and supported me.

I’m not sure what will happen because I’m just disgusted my dad would defend his mom for all the mistreatments my sister and I have faced.

Tdlr; Dad wants to invite his mother to my graduation and I do not want her there. Causing problems and tensions.

Submitted December 02, 2019 at 12:46PM by QueenLazuli https://ift.tt/2DEZbak