Learning to play an instrument as a muslim girl[21F] living with an abusive and unsupportive parent.

Hey, I’m 21F living in London and I’m also Muslim. I’ve always loved music and wanted to get into playing the guitar, so i bought a one with my own money i saved from my lunch money back in 2015 (a cheap £20 classic guitar from Argos). Prince’s guitar playing really influenced me to buy a guitar the first sing i learn was the easy version of purple rain. I could ‘play’ purple rain and I felt on TOP OF THE WORLD even though it was 4 simple chords. After a 2 weeks, my mum found it and smashed it and said i could buy another one. I really wanted to play so i went and bought another one however, after a couple of days she insisted that i return it and told me to stop being immature.

I let go of wanting to play the guitar but since i starting my music degree this year, (I’ve been lying about what I’ve been studying) i thought i’d buy a guitar i knew she could just break, so i went all out and bought a Fender Player strat and had been hiding it under my bed until she found it and scolded me. Sometimes she’ll come into my bedroom and would threaten to throw out my guitar and midi keyboard(also learning music theory and piano🤘🏾) shouting all kinds of horrible names at me. On a regular basis and i mean REGULAR, she starts the verbal abuse saying ‘those that play the guitar are either homeless or prostitutes or both. Is that what you want to become?’ Just the other day she said some real hurtful things to me, saying that id never make it into the music industry because according to her I’m ugly, i cant sing, i sound rubbish whilst playing the guitar and some other horrible things and it really hurt me. I have Generalised Anxiety disorder because of her verbal and physical abuse since i was a child, so its already difficult for me to actually want to do something. My ‘mum’ has put a massive downer on me, but deep down inside i REALLY want to improve and play the guitar!

I usually just play the guitar quietly (without an amp) and it sucks cause i cant actually practice strumming or hear what my playing sounds like with an amp. Sorry this was such a long post my question is:

How can i effective learn the guitar and music theory when all i get is constant grief and abuse?

P.S. - I wont be able to pay for lessons as its expensive. - i do take my guitar in to Uni once/twice a week as its a 2/3 journey. London traffic😩 - I do get instrument lessons currently doing guitar (4 hours for the year)

Tldr; im Muslim 21F from london and live with an abusive parent who has caused me a lot of mental issues. Playing the guitar makes me focus on something positive and would like to continue to do so. How do i go about that? I cant move out as ive tried for uni but ive just been told to come home. I dont know what to do. So id you do play guitar it would be nice to hear what i can do to play and be happy. Thank you! (:

Submitted December 24, 2019 at 08:11PM by yourestupid88 https://ift.tt/2Zo6nBm