My (28M) girlfriend (27F) was absolutely convinced I cheated on her and broke up with me, and said some nasty things. She only just found out that I didn't. How do we heal from this major rift in our relationship?

I'm not even entirely going to go into the details here. It was a distant, blurry video from a nightclub that my girlfriends friend sent to her of a guy who looked VERY similar to me, making out with another girl. It looked exactly like me from that view, even if it was maybe 4-5 seconds of footage. I would think that was me too, if I didn't know better. And when my girlfriend confronted me, all of the "I swear thats not me" just looked like a bad trope of a guy denying something obvious. Anyways, the way I ended up proving it to her was that I had to ask my girlfriends friend where she found the video (instagram), which resulted in her also being mad at me too for even asking, but she told me regardless. The day it was posted was october 19th, when me and my girlfriend were together the whole night. I also pointed out that the guys shoes were not mine, and that she knows I only wear 2 pairs of shoes. And the most damning evidence was that the club it was at all the way in westchester. We live in south jersey. Heres the thing... it took her more than a whole day to respond to that. I know she saw it. I provided all the evidence possible that the guy wasn't me. And it still took about a day and a half for her to even respond.

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But that isn't even the worst part. The night she confronted me was... horrible. We've been dating for nearly 4 years and she's never said this stuff to me. She said I was a weak person who was insecure about his life so I secretly go out to find other girls, she said that I was always going to be jealous of my brother who is more successful than me and gets girls and all that and that me going out to that club was just me trying to imitate him. She said I never cared about her, and that I clearly dont love her at all, and that I will always put myself above her. She accused me of 'lying' about being depressed just so that she never suspects anything, when clearly I've been having a blast going to clubs and sleeping with girls... She was absolutely furious, and the entire time I kept thinking "just turtle up and try not to respond emotionally, wait until you can prove her that the cheating isnt real" but the accusations just kept coming. I ended up crying and leaving

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When she finally responded to my evidence about the cheating, she sent this entire paragraph to me saying she had spent the last few days thinking about how her life was going to be without me, and that she has been trying to 'erase all love of me' from her brain by thinking about every little way I have ever hurt her, even a tiny bit, to try to make it easier to leave me. She said she felt horrible about what she said, and that she wants to make up for it, and she is sorry about everything. And so we got back together that day, except it was incredibly awkward and tense... and it has sort of remained tense. I mean in our 4 year relationship, we don't typically fight, its been an amazing relationship overall, and so for this to feel so uncomfortable... it just feels wrong. I feel like when she found out I was 'cheating' she just unleashed everything onto me that she didn't really want me to know beforehand. I don't think either of us fully know what to do. I keep thinking of how she just looked at me with absolute disgust, like REAL hatred in her eyes, and it just hurts me so bad to think she felt that hatred for so many days.

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How do we recover? Obviously couples therapy is gonna be recommended, but besides that? I am not even sure if she would agree to couples therapy honestly. We cant really afford therapy like that.

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TL;DR - - girlfriend thought I was cheating, broke up with me, said a lot of nasty things about me. I showed her that I wasn't cheating, and our relationships been very weird and uncomfortable ever since.

Submitted November 14, 2019 at 11:58PM by jkqknuu2456 https://ift.tt/2OeSgcJ