My [25M] sister [30F] is very very controlling and tries to manipulate people to try to remind me smugly that she can control me my whole life.

Ever since I was a little child, my parents have encouraged her to "teach" me how to be. She obviously internalised this message.

Growing up, I have evaded her in hs, college, and now im an adult living in my parent's house (lived here for 5 years) about to move out. got a new job and everything, and I have a few worries.

The way she manipulates the situation is, she goes to my friends and/or family members (usually older) and tries to tell them embarassing or mean stuff about me, saying I'm an asshole because of some family fight (argument) I had in the past with mom or dad or to paint me as some insecure kid which makes them lose respect for me. She does this as a blackmail within earshot of me, as if to imply that if I don't listen to her instructions in literally everything, then she is going to snitch on me to others.

I'm a big tech geek, and also understand science somewhat well, and she has always hated this (mainly because my family valued this). So to her, her art and her craft is more valued. She tries to make fun of me, and is almost angry that I don't value the type of art she watches. The thing is, I dont really care. I honestly dont want a relationship with her after everything that has happened. She feels more like extra weight on my back that I'm having to carry around while I live on in the rest of my life. I want her to be happy....far away from me.

I will admit that in the past I was rude to her at times, but it was sparingly, a lot of times i was rude to her because she was rude to me first (and family took her side to "protect" her anyway) and a lot of times she percieved me as being rude when i simply wanted to live my life and make decisions om my own (at purely my expense). I'm an adult, I've lived with my parents for a while, sure, I was looking for a job, I had my own stress and issues, I did not go to her to poke at her, it was the other way around. Am I not allowed my personal space and time? She feels almost entitled to my ear, she feels I should listen to her at all times, and I should always do as she says and look up to her as a role model. But I don't want to do any of those things. I want freedom to live my own life, and I don't really look up to anyone.

I even disobeyed her a lot of the times in the past, but when I do its at my expense, a choice that I wanted to do, and yet she got pissed off and felt entitled. ANd there was consequences from my family too.

What's worse is when you get friends who don't understand this dynamic. I tried to tell my guy friend all this and he just brush it off. I had other friend group long ago and they said same thing that I should listen to older more experienced people. The thing is, she is slimy as hell. When you have a friend group and she comes in and tells them some stuff about me, then tries to tell me what to do, the demeanor seems very mature and advice-giving, which forces the friends to see the situation in a very innocent light. If i say no, it makes it seem like i am being stubborn. then when she gets her way she just looks at me and smiles smugly, as if to imply, she got me to do something i didnt wanna do.

My issue now is, what happens when I get a new friend, or a friend group, and my sister comes and poisons that well too, or approcahes them and befriends them too? And what happens when that friend group does not understand this sibling dynamic and does not adjust accordingly? thinking that I'm this stubborn guy "who needs to listen" or that its just a joke and omg just siblings having fun teehee. What happens when I get a date and start going about the city? She would do the same thing, manipulate my date and friends to turn against me to control me. I honestly think she might be a bit mentally ill, with her own problems and need for control, and shes trying to take it out on a guy who just is trying to get by with life. But thats part of the issue, when someone acts normal in every aspect of her life, has a job, life everything, and then only acts mentally illogical to her brother or someone she can easily bully, then other adults dont really buy that that's going on. They think that its the brother who is the issue.

She is this lingering mother figure presence in my life I just want to shake off and its getting really hard to.

Other of my friends always tell me to just date girls elsewhere, or other parts of the city. Is this realy the best solution? Like even with long term friends, say I keep the friends for 3 to 4 to 5 years, those friends become reaaaal close to me. How am I going to maintain something like this completely in secret from someone like her? And why would they be convinced of my issues just because I tell them this? She is tiny and looks harmless, they could just think its fun and games again, invite her to the group and ruin my situation. Is this really how people cope in such situations? I'm wondering what a similar situation to this would be; could it be like a very stalker-ish ex?

What if I go to pickup girls at bars or clubs and run into her? What if I get a new date etc.?

It just feels really really weird that someone who has a fetish to control me for whatever reason can team up wtih my sister (someone who knows a lot about me) to then control me using that information, when I should be able to leave my past behind.

I think like this, and then I also think again, thinking people wouldn't be that stupid, people would listen to both sides at least. But that hasn't been my experience throughout life. Usually friends tease me and join her in teasing me because they got a chance. I also appear quite confident and although I don't bully others I have a very laddish/masculine figure who seems like they wouldn't be phased by these type of things. But men still do, they are just encouraged not to show it.

I'm also a bit warped mentally. I didn't know that siblings trying to manipulate you by saying rude/shameful things about you to others wasn't normal. And that I took it as a dog-eat-dog kind of part of life crap that everyone deals with. And that I need to be "cooler" to fix it. Basically I blamed myself. I deserve another chance at life even tho I made mistakes before.

So what do you guys think, do you think I'm overreacting and that things will be fine and I just need to find friends who understand me? Or do you think there's something more I could do, lets brainstorm together.

Location setting: I live in a pretty big city, theres lots of places to date and stuff. But eventually once you meet a date or friend eventually they might want to go visit her part of the city and things could get sour there if we run into each other.

TL;DR: Sister is a manipulative asshole and is trying to manipulate me into her style of life and trying to poison my relationships. You would think she would fucking stop after 20 fucking years but she does not. Help.

Submitted November 09, 2019 at 03:15PM by sexythrowawayguy1 https://ift.tt/2K5yBdX