My (23F) roomate (23F) always brings over her friend (~23M) to our shared apartment against my wishes

TLDR: Roomie has her friend stay over for long periods of time, I feel like I have a third roommate that I don't want

I've lived with my roommate for about a year and a half now, and I had no issues with her for about the first year. About a few months ago she started bringing over one of her friends (not boyfriend, she's into him but he's not interested) to stay for about a week or two.

Initially, I had no issue with this because I thought he would just stay overnight and leave the next day. It's now turned into him staying over for 2 weeks, going home for a couple days, and then back for another two weeks.

I feel like I have a third roommate at times, and he takes over one of the couches in the living room, watches TV and plays on his laptop. Since he's a "guest" I feel weird asking him permission to kick him off the TV if I want to watch, but now I just don't even want to be in the living room if he's there.

I've talked to my roomate twice about this, the first time was a casual "hey he's been here a while, when is he leaving?" and the second time was essentially like this:

Me: hey, I know we already talked about this, but he's been here a while, and I'm starting to feel like I have a third roomate.

Roomie: Do you have a problem with him? Like has he done anything to you? (she asked this genuinely not out of spite)

Me: no, I have no issue with him specifically, but rather the almost constant presence of a third person in the house. I feel like maybe he should start to help out with utilities if this keeps up.

Roomie: Well, he helps out with groceries (her own groceries), so i don't think he should have to help with utilities, but how long is okay with you?

Me: I don't want to set a limit on how long he can stay, cause that's not fair of me, but if i had to give a number, maybe 2-3 days.

Roomie: Okay, I'll talk to him

It got better for a couple weeks, she would go over to his house instead, but now it's getting worse again. How do i go about navigating this situation so that we can come to a mutual agreement? She's a good friend, and I don't want to damage that relationship, but I'm also completely fed up with my living situation. I plan on moving out once the lease is up, but that's not till July :(

UPDATE Had the talk with the roomie, and found out that she really didn't realize how much this was affecting me. I stood my ground, and told her 3 days out of the month, which she felt was too short, and she tried to negotiate it to 7 days out of the month, but dispersed. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable with him being over all the time, and even questioned why he had to stay overnight (just realized that I never really got a real answer from her)

Since it was late, and I have to be up early tomorrow for work I told her we would table the conversation for now, but that sometime this weekend, I'd like to have a set of rules in place. I think my feelings definitely got across this time, but we'll see what happens after my real conversation with her later this weekend (after he leaves)

Still not happy that she's trying to negotiate up to 7 days out of the month, and told her as such, but for the time being, we are still cool which is a relief. If you guys are interested at all in another update let me know!

Submitted November 15, 2019 at 12:53PM by ThirdOutOfTwo https://ift.tt/33MJ9q9