I know this is a common problem brought up here, but I want to be sure I've explored all avenues before there are consequences.
I do not want children. My SO has said in the past she doesn't think she does, but as time goes on she is showing signs of that not being true and I fear she's only as much a "no" as she is in order to keep us together.
When we first moved in together, I scheduled a vasectomy when at my doctor's office. At the time, I didn't think this was a big deal because I've always been so vocal on not wanting children that I thought we were on the same page. We were friends before we got together and one of the "deciding factors" for me to get together with her and move to her city was knowing we agreed on this topic. I was quite wrong.
She didn't react to the vasectomy well at all. She says that although she doesn't think she wants kids, she isn't ready to make that decision 100%. I agreed to postpone the procedure (this was a little over a year ago now).
The topic of kids has come up a few times during our relationship, always with the same (lack of) results. She wants me to "compromise" on the topic whereas I see it as a compatibility problem and there's no room for compromise. She seems to be OK with the idea that we'll deal with this problem down the road should it come up, whereas I don't think either of us should invest more time into a relationship that will fail. She takes offense to my view on that, and focuses on how devastating the breakup will be now and doesn't think about the one down the road.
Recently, we were abroad on a "work-cation" and the topic came up again. I get frustrated when this happens because it's always the same conversation where she proves to me she is not at all accepting of my answer. During this last talk, she suggested maybe I could act as an "uncle" to the baby (I don't think this was really a suggestion she was making, but rather trying to get me to bend and give her hope I'll change my mind). At the end of it she smiled at me and said "as a compromise, just please re-think your position". That solidified my opinion that she is leaning more and more to the "want" kids and simply doesn't accept my answer as fact. It's disappointing.
In the next year, she and I talking about buying a house ... but I cannot push forward in that regard while feeling so unstable in the relationship. My biggest fear is she will accidentally get pregnant, and will either 1) not keep the baby and resent me for it or 2) keep the baby and I'll resent her for it.
So, I feel my only option is to reschedule the vasectomy and force her to choose. The thought makes me sick, but it's better now than further down the road.
tl;dr; My girlfriend isn't accepting that I don't want kids, and I want to get a vasectomy before I invest more into the relationship. If I do that she will probably opt to break up now. Are there any other options?
Submitted November 07, 2019 at 10:16AM by throwaway90283750 https://ift.tt/2PYTcoa
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