I (44f) am trying to move past his infidelity (45m) but I'm wondering if it would be easier to just leave.

Married 8 years with 2 children.

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During our marriage he's been shady several times. And given me explanations that I chose to believe because I love him and don't want to believe anyone could be THAT shady. I would get upset over these shady occurrences and clearly explain why I wasn't ok with it, how I considered various things crossing boundaries. (to be more clear, I'm talking about things like texting other women and deleting the conversation...stuff like that). We had several discussions about infidelity and how I would not accept it. I had hoped this would help him better understand my boundaries.

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Last year he really upset me because I was concerned that he was texting a co-worker too much. I brought it up with him and he told me it was all work-related (which I knew wasn't really true because he texted her on weekends and holidays, and they don't need to discuss work in that way). Basically I came to find out that he would sometimes go out for dinner with her (twice) and never mention it to me. In fact, he actively hid this fact and let me believe they rarely interacted anymore. He never told me they went out....I found out accidentally when she made mention of their dinners on facebook.

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This caused a lot of turmoil in our relationship because it really damaged my trust in him. I no longer was sure what else he might be neglecting to mention, I wasn't sure I could take him at his word, and I never knew for sure he was where he said he was.

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I was distant with him for several months because I was upset and hurt and just wasn't sure I could trust him. I tried to emphasize how serious this was for me, and how badly I needed to trust him.

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I won't get into all the lead up, but basically I guess he got sick of me "punishing" him for having innocent dinners with a co-worker. He felt I was being a bad partner and that I was cold and unforgiving. In order to retaliate (or something?) he had an affair with another co-worker. He felt guilty and came to his senses and ended it, but she ended up telling me.

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Stupid or not, I stayed. He keeps telling me that since this affair happened a year ago and he's made several changes in his life to be a better partner, I need to stop bringing it up. I seem to be unable to stop bringing it up. I'm SO HURT and still disgusted that he did this. I want to stay. I want to move past this. But I feel like our lives are in constant turmoil because I'm forever remembering the affair and getting mad all over again. Would it be better for all of us just to leave?

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tldr: husband had an affair over a year ago and I'm still mad.

Submitted November 01, 2019 at 08:50PM by vanelia33 https://ift.tt/2JGpT5O