TL;DR: He went on my phone when I was sleeping, sent himself 1) a picture of my friend's butt that she sent to me several years ago and 2) several pictures of my very pretty mother from when she was around my age, and then deleted the messages from my phone hoping I wouldn't see.
We've been dating and living together for several years. Our sex life is good, and we generally have healthy communication. We're kind to one another.
When we first started dating, I had issues with trust and insecurity -- my previous partner was emotionally abusive and cheated on me. Lots of gaslighting. The partner before him also lied to me a lot, he flirted with other women in person and online behind my back. I've slowly learned to trust my current S.O., and I feel like I'm in a good place. We have open phone/computers, and I don't go digging through his stuff because I just don't feel the urge.
My mother is very pretty, and I have some pictures of her on my phone from when she was around my age. Her and I look similar. It's kind of an inside joke that my S.O. thinks my mom is attractive -- lots of people think she is, but I tease him about it because she's my mom. It makes sense to me because, you know, he thinks I'm hot, and I'm her kid.
Last night we were hanging out with friends, and I was scrolling through my phone to find something to show everyone. I passed a picture of my mother and showed them because it was a cool picture. My boyfriend had a few beers, and he rarely drinks.
This morning I noticed that pictures had been sent at 2:06 am from my phone to my boyfriend's phone, but the messages had been deleted. Several pictures were of my mother in her 20s, and one picture was of my friend. Like two years ago, my friend sent me a mirror pic of her butt, clothed in a thong and a tank top. She worked out a lot, and she was showing her glute gains.
I told him I saw that he sent himself the pictures, and I asked him to explain. He said he didn't jerk off to them because he felt really bad and weird about it. He kept apologizing, and he said he already deleted them from his phone before I found out. I decided to dive into his internet history, and I saw that at 2:30 am he googled 'how to permanently delete messages'. He said that between 2:06 am and 2:30 am he wasn't jerking off to the pictures, he was just scrolling through more pictures on my phone.
Obviously I'm upset. A small part of that is jealousy...but a much larger part is the violation of trust. I trusted him to not do something like that, and he did it behind my back, and he tried to hide the evidence. My friend sent me that picture privately, not for my boyfriend to go and use it for jerk-off material. Also...it's my mom.
My trust in him is shaken (I changed my phone and computer password, and I told him that I did). I don't know if I believe that he didn't jerk off to them, I don't know if I believe that he deleted the pictures before I found out. I want to believe him, but I just don't know. He seems very contrite. He's sent himself pictures of me from my phone, and I've told him I don't mind him doing that at all. I don't think he's done this before with other people's pictures.
I don't think this is break-up worthy. I feel confused and lost, this came as a shock. I guess I'm looking for some perspective, how much of a red flag this is, how I (we) move forward from here.
Submitted November 16, 2019 at 01:02PM by sweetpotatochristmas https://ift.tt/2OiAXr1
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