TL;DR BF always says I’m using him for his money. Tattled on me to his mom to make her think I was throwing a “temper tantrum” in the car. Then told me she said this.
The other day I was going over to my boyfriend’s house to bake cookies. We had talked it over and we were on the way to his house when out of nowhere he said “You’re just using me.” I asked him what he meant and he went on to say how I was using him for his cookie ingredients. While it came off as joking, he’s often very passive aggressive about things and says them as “jokes” instead.
There have been multiple times when he’s told me I’m using him for his money in the past (not as a joke- one time we almost broke up he asked me for his “gas money back” from all the times he’s driven to my house to hang out). He’s been very uptight about money lately and often tells me I need to spend less. I don’t have a job (due to a difficult situation with my family where I’m not allowed to get one) so he often pays for my stuff. Even when I try to pay for things (because I get extremely tired of him telling me I’m “using him” and I have my own money) he cuts in front of me or pushes me to the side to swipe his card instead.
I took him to McDonald’s and paid for a cheeseburger and a McFlurry for him (Which he actually let me do this time because he has no money atm). Instead of saying thanks and apologizing for what he said, he came up with a stupid “metaphor” for me using him. Essentially: “why didn’t I bring my own ingredients to his house? And what if he didn’t have everything?” We never went through the short ingredients list of eggs, flour, butter, and sugar to see if anything was missing but I said I had no problem bringing things next time if he didn’t have something. He was basically making up ridiculous ways to tell me I was using him for his money.
At that point I was thinking about just going home but I also wanted to talk things out. I thought about going on a walk but it was freezing outside. I also just got off the pill so I wasn’t ready to go into a whole conversation because I knew I’d get way too emotional. So I asked him if he could just let me take some space in the car for a few minutes.
He decided to go inside and tell his mom his side of the story. Which then resulted in him trying to tell everyone how ridiculous I was being once I came back into the house. The next day he told me that his mom said I was “throwing a temper tantrum in the car.” He wasn’t saying this to help me. He was obviously saying it to hurt me. His mom already doesn’t like me for stupid reasons so I feel worse that he’s only trying to worsen the situation. I also worry that aside from this shit talking me behind my back, he’s also doing that with his friends.
I just got back from staying at his house for a few days because of a family emergency. Which I appreciate that they let me stay. However, I don’t appreciate him shit talking me behind my back and trying to worsen how his mom sees me. I already feel extremely uncomfortable around her and I feel like he’s only trying to make me feel more so. It also has been making me super upset that he’s claiming I’m “using him” for anything and everything which has been making me super uneasy to even hang out with him. Despite this irrationalness, he’s usually very supportive of me and kind. How should I respond to this?
Looking for advice not breakup comments.
Submitted November 13, 2019 at 11:38AM by WiseConflict https://ift.tt/2NMnMQj
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