Are Me [33 M] and My Girlfriend [28 F] Sexually Incompatible? She Enjoys Things I’m Not comfortable With.

I met my girlfriend a year ago. Things between us have been perfect and I’ve never felt this way about anymore before. Totally crazy about her and everyday I thank my lucky stars.

But we’ve hit a stumbling block. Our sex life started off amazing, passionate and fun and sensual and all those good things. Definitely the best sex of my life. Slowly as we started to get comfortable we began talking about some fantasies and things we like in bed that might be a little out of our usual wheelhouse and that we might want to try one day.

I told her mine, which are pretty tame. Then I asked her about hers. She confessed that she “likes it a little rough.” So I’m thinking some spanking and hair pulling, no biggie right? I tell her I’m down with that. I do some of that next time we have sex, throw in some dirty talk, and she’s really into it. Afterwards we’re cuddled up in our post orgasm glow and she offhandedly says, “You can do it harder next time.” Which again I’m cool with, I don’t mind taking it up a notch since this one was pretty lighthearted. The next day I kind of forget about it and we continue doing it the usual way the next few times. Until one night we’re out with friends and drink a little, then come home and we’re getting frisky and she reminds me about our conversation. So I go a little more rougher this time, put my hand on her neck, more aggressive dirty talk, etc. Again, she’s really into it. I’m feeling totally satisfied afterwards and then... again she tells me the same thing. Now I’m starting to get confused, since I genuinely thought I was pretty rough this time around. What kind of rough is she talking about? She’s fiddling with words, dancing around the subject. Finally she says, “I don’t know, do whatever you want.” I chuckle, “Alright so if I slap you, you’re gonna be cool with that?” She perks up, “Would you wanna do that?” Me, “No...did you want me to do that?” At this point I’m out of my element. Sex and violence have never intertwined for me. I don’t get it. And I definitely would not get off putting my hands on a woman. On the other hand, here’s my girlfriend and I’m trying to please her and she’s opening up and telling me what she wants. So even though I’m slightly panicking inside, we continue the conversation. But I think she senses my uneasy vibes and starts clamming up. The conversation doesn’t go anywhere productive and ends shortly after. We go to sleep.

We continue having sex our usual way. Then Friday I text her from work and ask if she still wants me to do what we talked about. She says yes, and then throws in “and whatever else you want.” Suddenly sex is starting to feel a bit less fun, and I’m feeling pressure to perform. But again, I want to satisfy her in bed so I decide to try. We get to the slapping and it’s not as bad as I had built it up in my head, I don’t do it too hard either. I also spit in her mouth. She ends up cumming really hard. I’m happy that me doing something out of my comfort zone pays off. I’m thinking cool, I can do this once in a while. No biggie. Afterwards we’re cuddled up and she’s complimenting me and telling me how good it was and that she’s hoping I trust her enough to know that I can do whatever I want next time. I ask her what she means, and she says that she wants me to be as rough as I want. I tell her this was the extent of how rough I can be. She stays silent. I’m growing frustrated and start getting a big snappy. “I don’t understand what you want me to do. Beat you up?” Silence. “Just explain it so I understand.” Again, she’s fiddling with words. “I dunno, just manhandle me. Be primal.” I tell her I've already done those things, and that it seems like she wants more than that.

I love her, but I don’t love who she wants me to be in bed. I am trying to figure out how to make all this fit somehow. Is this an incompatibility, or is there hope to work out a satisfying solution for both parties?

TL;DR: I found out that my girlfriend enjoys rough sex that is beyond what I'm comfortable with doing. How do we work through this and come to a compromise?

Submitted November 12, 2019 at 10:35AM by aplan_immune https://ift.tt/2XjLSoN