I (30f) am trying to forgive my SO for breaking my trust, but it's hard to do when he (33m) won't even apologize. (together 3 years)

A couple weeks ago my SO crossed the line with a female friend. She crossed the line first, and he didn't shut it down. Then a week later I saw texts between them where HE was being the overly flirty/sexual one. He was drinking, but I didn't think that mattered and I sent him home. We broke up. He never apologized, and actually tried gaslighting me before he left. He says he didn't mean the things he said to her and would never cheat on me. The odd thing is that I do trust that he's never physically cheated, but the things he said to her disgusted me and were a HUGE disrespect to our relationship.

I spent several days moping about, but was getting to a better place. I started going to counseling. He reappeared and said he knows we have work to do, but he's willing to do it, he misses me, he's happier with me in his life, and he'd like to take things day by day to try again. We weren't face to face for this conversation. I told him I'm willing to try again, but I need transparency, respect, and I need to feel like I'm more important to him than any friend, that we don't stand a chance if our focus is on other people instead of us. He agreed. Sounds great, but what's missing? He still hasn't apologized. I'd like to believe this is coming in the face-to-face conversation, but what if it doesn't?

Tonight we will see each other for the first time since reconciling. I'd like to hear that he's sorry, he was wrong, and he'll do things right going forward. I'm obviously not going to ask him to say these things, they wouldn't have any meaning if I did. If he comes over and just tries to go back to normal, what should I say? I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I don't think I should let this go until I can bury it. I am willing to forgive him and move forward if he can at least acknowledge he screwed up and show remorse.

And if you're wondering why I can forgive it - he's truly a good guy. He screwed up, but he does love me. And I love him deeply. With the exception of this incident - he's kind, supportive, always has my back. We communicate well and for the most part it's been a very healthy relationship. My kids love him. I love his kid. We're heavily invested in this.

If I missed anything I'm happy to answer to it.

TLDR: SO crossed boundaries with a female friend. We broke up then reconciled, and will see each other in person for the first time in a few hours. I'm not sure how to proceed if he doesn't apologize, but I'm ready to forgive him if he can acknowledge it.

Submitted August 25, 2019 at 11:56AM by fsjshfdlg https://ift.tt/33V1fqq