My [27F] first cousin [16F] might have a non-physically abusive parent [63F]. What can or should do?

My Aunt adopted a 1 year old girl from Kazakhstan who is now the [16F]. My Aunt was an anesthesiologist, but does not have current certification, was a substitute teacher for a while, and works as a standardized test grader along with odd jobs during the summer such as ticket sales at large events. Due to the method of adoption, US Citizenship was going to be simple and practically automatic for my cousin with a small amount of paperwork. I learned a few years ago that my Aunt never filed the paperwork, so my cousin is not technically legal and does not have a Social Security number.

​

My cousin was born with a Cleft Palate and was losing weight. The initial doctor recommended a feeding tube (Gastronomy), but, understandably, my Aunt wanted a second opinion before acting. After seeing another doctor who also recommended the feeding tube, she had it put in. However, the initial doctor sued my Aunt for child neglect because she sought a second opinion (this doctor was found to have pulled these kind of cases multiple times in the past). During the court case, however, my Aunt lost custody temporarily. My Mother and Father were granted temporary custody being close relatives and willing to take her in. While I was obviously young at the time, I helped watch her and feed her regularly. After the case ended in my Aunt's favor, she regained full custody. She stopped using the feeding tube and had the Cleft Palate surgically corrected around age 4.

​

Within the last 8 years or so, the situation with my Aunt seemed to be getting worse. I was young, focused on college, and dealing with my own mental health issues so I didn't really consider any action until recently. My parents also divorced, so only My mom is involved with my Aunt, her sister, now.

​

My aunt is a hoarder, with a house which is disgusting. She has 9 dogs, 7 of which rarely get to leave their cages. My cousin does everything for my Aunt. She takes care of the dogs. She cleans the parts of the house which are clean. While my Cousin does gymnastics which my Aunt pushed hard for a while on as she is very good, my Aunt makes her work jobs regularly. She will do cleanup work after large local events while being payed 'under the table'. And she also works long hours at a horse barn, taking care of the horses and cleaning their stalls (also payed 'under the table' here too). My cousin does enjoy the horses, and gets to ride them through the job, but they work her excessively.

​

My cousin is home schooled. However, due to the jobs, my Cousin is behind in school from where she should be, enough such that my Aunt has convinced her she is a year younger than she is. That is, my 17 year old cousin believes herself to be 16. Even if she was 16, she would still be behind perhaps a year if not 2 in school. My mom talked to my cousin a few times and tried to explain to her her actual age, but my cousin believes my Aunt and so suggesting her actual age pushes her away from contact with us. Speaking of contact, due to the Jobs and being home schooled, she is incredibly isolated outside of Gymnastics (which is all work and no play) or a short period at church, but otherwise, my Aunt does not let her be with others alone (with exceptions at family functions, such as reunions).

​

My Aunt orders my cousin to do everything. She does not ask. And she berates her regularly for what she does or says. My Aunt also never admits fault and lies about obvious things extremely regularly such as what her (my aunt's) siblings said to her about each other, in order to cause Drama. This has occurred at a larger scale before when my Grandmother passed and my Aunt stole a bunch of stuff from the house against the will, and still has a hold of documents which rightfully belong to her siblings.

​

My Aunt always makes my cousin split meals, sometimes such that we worried about if she was eating enough, but as of now, she seems to be healthy and getting enough food. My Aunt chooses EVERYTHING for my Cousin, who does not get to choose. Be it food, work, clothes, or even conversation topics, my Aunt will always intervene. While my Aunt's siblings have pushed back on her regarding the lack of my Cousin's free will, it has continued. My Aunt is also very interruptive and it can be difficult to have any conversation with her. While this applies to everyone, at least we are able to obviously go elsewhere away from my Aunt, whereas my cousin can't escape and thus is constantly interrupted. My Aunt also almost never asks how someone is doing or their thoughts, so that also affects my cousin.

​

Naturally, my Cousin is an angry individual who almost always has a 'chip on her shoulder', mumbles angrily under her breath about any tiny inconvenience. It is beyond anything one might normally expect from even a rebellious child. However, her anger is justified in my opinion as well as my mother's for how my Aunt treats her.

​

After meeting up to eat with myself, my mother, my Aunt, my cousin, and my mother's other sister (thus also an Aunt), I attempted to keep a separate conversation with my cousin throughout the meal. She was angry and combative towards even the most basic conversations about books she has read recently or our mutual interest in some Anime. After perhaps 40 minutes of just me and her conversing, she had notably relaxed. She wasn't angry, and she could genuinely smile. I had done nothing other than treat her kindly, listen to her interests, and not allow her anger or combativeness to upset me and while I challenged some of her harsh statements, I made sure to laugh it off and keep the discussion going. She sincerely felt like a different girl after that long conversation, and while she still had some anger in some of her tone or responses, it was far far from how she was when she entered. This is almost always the case, as whenever we meet up with my Aunt, my cousin is in that combative angry state. She is even more combative and angry to those her own age, but she seems to be able to settle somewhat with me.

​

My Aunt has never hit my cousin, and insists she loves her, and brags about it regularly to my Mom and the other siblings (absurd levels of exaggeration in that bragging as well).

​

On a final, possibly tangential note, my mom has talked about (and this has been confirmed by the other siblings minus the Aunt in question) how when she was a teenager, she would say "When I grow up, I'm going to have a slave." They obviously were mortified, but told her at the time (paraphrasing) "People don't have those anymore." In offhand comments, all her siblings (4 total including Aunt, 3 sisters, one brother) have at one point or another told me that she treats my cousin like a slave, or that she is my Aunt's slave.

​

---

​

My Mom and the other siblings of my Aunt will not do anything. All of my siblings won't act either, though how much they know regarding the situation I do not know, and some don't live in the same region as us anymore. I am currently living with my Mom while working a retail job while applying for jobs for my degree (with no success so far).

​

I don't know what to do, what I can do, or what I should do. I want to help her. I must admit I can't afford a lawyer or something like that. And I don't have a ton of time to drive over (about 30 minutes) regularly to take my cousin out to do stuff, and she never gets breaks from my Aunt anyways so would always be perpetually busy. Whenever we can meet up, I always attempt to befriend her and empathize with her, but that isn't particularly frequent (2 hours a month but this increases to 10 or so hours around major holidays due to reunions and gatherings of my family).

​

No one else seems willing or able to act regarding this.

​

---

​

TL:DR; : My Aunt is demanding and controlling of my cousin to an abusive degree. I want to help my cousin but what can or should do to help?

Submitted July 06, 2019 at 06:13PM by GalacticKiss https://ift.tt/325JV0W