Non-romantic relationship issue: I am a female caregiver [28/f], what is the best way for me to wash a disabled man's private area with dignity [95/m]?

The relationship between a caregiver and a disabled person can be really complicated, and I would be extremely grateful if any disabled person could offer insight.

I have only washed women in the past, and these issues haven't come up. Recently I was hired to care for an elderly couple, both over the age of 90, a woman and a man.

The man is 95 year old, a veteran, by all accounts a "macho man" his whole life, someone who never expressed emotion, never went to doctors, and was very independent.

He is perfectly lucid and pretty sharp for a 95 year old. He is no longer able to wash himself at all, nor wipe after a bowel movement.

I would like to clean him with the maximum amount of dignity and comfort level for him.

I don't want to embarrass him. I know with his last caregiver he was very embarrassed and said she looked "ashamed and disgusted" while washing him. He was definitely projecting that, I know her and she's VERY experienced and not disgusted by bodies whatsoever, but he read that into her expression and it affected him. I want to avoid him thinking I am disgusted, but at the same time I don't think it would be appropriate to grin or look super happy while washing him.

I'm not sure how to even broach the conversation with him and let him know that I am not disgusted at all and happy to help. Since by all accounts he never had an emotional or personal conversation in his life, he's just from that generation of men.

He does take a shower so it's not like a bed bath where I could uncover one part at a time. And eventually you do uncover the private parts anyway so you still deal with the persons discomfort about that, even though they're not exposed for as much time.

If anyone has suggestions for how to speak with him about this, and things to do or not do, I would be very grateful.

tl;dr: I am a female caregiver [28/f], what is the best way for me to wash a disabled man's private area with dignity [95/m]? How can I talk it over with him when he's from the generation that didn't talk about those things?

Submitted June 18, 2019 at 05:19PM by asfasf22 http://bit.ly/2IrWxI5