My boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) have been saving for the past year for a deposit on our first time together, and he’s just told me he wants to spend some of the savings on a car for his mum.

(Meant to write “first home” in title.)

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and this last year we’ve both been putting savings away so we can put a 15% deposit down on a house together. We both make savings into separate savings accounts. We are so close to reaching our goal, about two months away, and he just told me he actually wants to buy his mum a new car with his savings. This has really angered me and I’ll say why.

His mum wasn’t a good mum and he’s told me of many stories where she was negligent. When he just started learning to walk, she left the baby gate open when she went upstairs and he followed her up, didn’t quite make it to the top and so he fell down and fractured his skull. This didn’t happen just once but twice.

My boyfriends dad left his mum when he was around 12 years old and had to move into council housing. She never tried to better herself and her two kids, working two days a week at a gym. As soon as my boyfriend and her daughter got their first jobs at 16, she made them both pay to help support themselves despite them still being in school.

A few years ago, his mum met another man who has a horrible temper. I had day surgery a couple months ago and my boyfriend took me back to his because I wanted comfort, and so I took a nap and I was abruptly woken by this man and shouted at for napping in his house. He shouted so much he brought me to tears. He’s horrible to my boyfriend calling him lazy despite him having a full time apprenticeship in construction, and just trying to get on with his life (hence us trying to move out). I think it should be noted that this man has a 23-year-old son who lives at home still with a degree and no job (not actively searching for one either), who gets everything he wants paid for and doesn’t get called lazy. My boyfriends mum still works two days a week at a gym, and the only reason they aren’t in council housing anymore is because this man has money and is paying for her car, house and absolutely everything else. All she pays for is what she wants. She never buys things for my boyfriend; ever since he got his first job at 16 he has bought everything for himself, even his damn school clothes.

There is so much more but I know my post is already quite long. My boyfriend is delusional because he thinks the way his mum brought him up was good, and when I asked why he wanted to buy her a car he said it was because he “owes her for everything she’s done” for him. She hasn’t done a damn thing for him and it frustrates me that he can’t realise this. I’ve had a completely different childhood, with parents who have always worked and worked to make a great life for their kids because they were both brought up in council houses with large families, and didn’t want us to experience that. But I never feel like I owe my parents for that. When I told them my boyfriends plan they laughed, and told me I need to set him straight. I feel like his mum can buy her own car, she is more than capable. I’m at university, and my boyfriend isn’t making a lot of money at the moment as he is doing an apprenticeship so for him to buy his mum a car will really set us back and I’m just so insulted and I don’t know what to do.

I really want to get him to address his upbringing was rubbish, but it’s hard when he still lives under the same roof as his mum. I also need him to realise that buying her a car is stupid and selfish, because he’s not just setting himself back but me too. We have both worked so hard to put this money away over this last year, and it will be hard for him to put it away himself when I stop working because I am in need of surgery.

Any help or advice would be really appreciated. I know this post was really negative but it’s a really emotional subject to me.

Tl;dr My boyfriend had a bad upbringing but somehow feels he owes his mum a car. He’s going to buy it with the money we have saved to put down a deposit on a house, which will set us back a long time because I will be out of work for a year in 3 months because of surgery.

Submitted June 19, 2019 at 07:05PM by AbigailKjellberg http://bit.ly/2KquhHZ