My husband has problems with anger. Not just with me -- with everyone. Especially people he feels comfortable around.
I've noticed the same pattern keeps happening over and over. Things will be going great, we are happy and getting along and we decide to go out for dinner. He asks me what the address is for the restaurant so he can punch it into GPS. I read it to him, but make an error on one of the numbers. He tells me it is wrong. Our conversation goes like this:
Him: That's not it.
Me: Oops! Sorry, I was one number off. It is....
Him: Forget it, I'll look it up myself. How fucking hard is it to read the number out correctly? For fuck sakes.
I don't say anything, but my mood is immediately deflated. He goes back to normal right away like nothing even happened. I feel hurt. If I speak to him about it, he will apologize. But chances are good it will happen again either later that day or in a couple of days. It happens all the time.
Another time we were with friends (the wife was driving) and she asked me a question about directions. I hesitated for a moment and then gave her an answer (that was a little hesitant because I was unsure and still thinking it through). My husband chastised me in front of them:
Him: Andlaieriaka, you really need to learn how to communicate better and more clearly. Saying "I don't know for sure, I think maybe going this way will be better, but....hmmmm...I'm not sure" is not helpful at all. If you don't know, just say so.
Me: feeling stupid and humiliated in front of our friends, so I say nothing.
I know these sound like minor things, but they happen ALL THE TIME. I tell him to stop talking to me like I'm a child or an idiot. He speaks to me like I'm a kid. But the worst is that he speaks to me this way in front of other people. He has snapped at me, been short with me, ordered me around and spoken to me in very condescending ways around everyone. It's embarrassing and it makes me want to cry. He will apologize if I tell him it hurts me, but he never stops. One of the worst things for me is that he is charming, the life of the party and very funny and extroverted. Everyone LOVES him. They fall all over him. I'm just this quiet little introverted mouse. People watch him speak to me this way and say nothing. And go on loving him and thinking he's the best thing since sliced bread.
I just feel very alone. I'm not sure how to get him to understand this is not cool.
tldr: husband talks down to me all the time, including in front of other people.
Submitted June 01, 2019 at 07:55PM by andlaieriaka http://bit.ly/2KiSwac
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