My (34f) ex of 11 years (39m) just announced his gf of a few months is pregnant and I am devastated. How can I move past this?

Disclaimer; I’m in a weak emotional state- please go easy on me if you can. This feels less like a heartache and more like a soul ache.

I met my ex in my early 20’s. He helped me through college, we went through so much together for over a decade. I really wanted to settle down and have a family and so did he. The reason we ended up breaking up is that I was working my tail off and he has a more casual job. We were never financially stable. I’m a planner- I didn’t want to bring a marriage and baby into the picture until I felt we were secure. We never got to that place. Feeling like my chance at a family life was slipping away, I made the decision to end the relationship and we did so amicably. We still remained in contact regularly. After all, we both supported each other through the passing of our parents. Our respective families each adored the other one. We share a dog together we continued to co-parent as silly as it sounds. Because his job was less than financially stable, I kept him on my health insurance and phone bill. I lent him 10k over the course of our relationship he promised to pay back. I have thrived on knowing I could call him any time day or night and he would answer if I was in trouble. I realize now that making a clean break would have been smarter but hindsight is 20/20 right?

He began dating a new girl and posted photos of her on Facebook. All of our mutual friends immediately checked on me to see what was going on and if I was ok. It didn’t bother me like I thought it would because he was still supporting me emotionally while I helped him out financially. He made it very clear to her that I (and the dog) were a priority in his life and after getting out of such a long term relationship he did not want to get into another one- they were just to have fun together. She did not see it this way. She cried repeatedly over text messages he would exchange with other girls (primarily not even me) that were platonic. Last Tuesday, we had an appointment to take our dog to the vet for her regular heart check up. We always meet at the gas station and ride together, today he said he would just have to meet me there. I thought it was strange but brushed it off. After the appointment, he told me that this girl is pregnant now. And they would announce it on Facebook the next day. I think my heart fell out of my butt. I felt dizzy. I knew this changes our friendship forever.

This girl has met his family once. I’ve been at family holidays for over a decade. She knows nothing about him. And further- I’m financially supporting him- how can he raise a baby!?

I asked him how he felt about it and he said it was totally an accident but he is thrilled and super excited. He was upset that I cried and then began to cry too. He said we would still be friends and nothing would change. (Yeah right) I hugged him as I’m realizing this is likely goodbye forever. I told him I loved him and he was the best friend I ever had. He. Did. Not. Respond. This has never happened before. I died inside and have cried all week.

The announcement went out the next day and too be expected hundreds of congratulatory comments poured in mixed in with “oh!l and surprised face emojis.

I’m struggling with so many feelings. He told me to text him when I made it home safely and I didn’t. But he has not contacted me since- not even to check in on me.

What have I done to myself? This is the hardest feeling I’ve ever gone through. It feels like everyone is acting like this is completely normal and that I should too. I just want to talk to him so badly- I have so many questions. But I know the advice will be that if I wanted closure- I should have made a clean break and that I should just move on.

I’m not sure why- but it feels impossible. Has anyone been through something like this? Even if he had said he was getting married, I think I’d be fine. But the pregnancy part. The idea there will be a little version of him that I don’t get to know. I feel desperate and weak. Thanks for any advice you have.

TLDR: ex knocked up a girl, I have no idea why I feel so horrible or what to do now.

Submitted June 17, 2019 at 09:44AM by chachasleep http://bit.ly/2MTmK6D