We've been dating for 6 years. We've discussed our futures and getting married. A lot. From very early on, we began discussing marriage and time lines within the first 6 months of our relationship.
We have a healthy relationship IMO. We've lived together for nearly 5 years. We have disagreements, but we work through them together. We opened our relationship a few years ago, into casual non-monogamy. We seek friends with benefits more than any sort of polyamorous relationship, we've invited people into bed for play together as well.
Around 2 years in we began serious talks about marriage. He asked me to show him a ring style I liked. He spoke in broad terms, but told me he intended to propose with the next year.
That year passed.
We were on vacation once after that year had passed and I brought it up again, and he kind of had a fit "don't you want it to be a surprise? I have a plan. Don't worry." and made me feel really obnoxious for bringing it up.
That was more than two years ago. I've just begun to bring it up less and less because I don't want him to feel pressured. That's the last way I'd ever want to enter a marriage. Buts HE brought up marriage first. I joked that I'd propose and he didn't really like that idea at all.
Everytime I try to bring up our future together, he treats it like a joke. Well say how we want to spend our lives together, but everytime I ask where he sees us in five years, he jokes about the world ending and how we'll live in a wasteland by then/etc.
I don't pretend I'm perfect. I was very upfront with him early on about my emotional struggles and I've never hidden exactly who I am. I know who loves me for who I am. I've had a few job jumps over the years. I've had a few episodes. But we always made it out, together.
I could understand if it was a money thing--but the engagement ring I want is less than $400 because I think it's stupid to wadte money on diamonds. We aren't well off, but we're comfortable. More so now than in the past, as well, when he did talk about marriage.
I just feel really discouraged. I don't even want a wedding. I just want to be married to him. It feels like he got cold feet before ever even proposing.
Am I expecting too much? Is it wrong of me to want to have a clue about my future? Am I approaching the conversations the wrong way?
Tl;dr My boyfriend used to talk about marriage all the time but now, years into our relationship, he always puts the breaks on the conversation and keeps me waiting beyond the time lines he's informed me we'd be married on.
Submitted June 21, 2019 at 02:29PM by throwawayforsadfeels http://bit.ly/2Y59iO1
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