My (28M) partner of 10 years (29F) wants to put our sex life on hold but maintain cohabitation/monogamy while she addresses health and career goals. I am confused about how to respond.

Partner and I have been together for 10 years. We have been living together seriously for over 6 years now though almost always with a room-mate in a 2-bed because of HCOL in NYC. We have an excellent life here, have an art studio together and have helped propel each other up to where we are now. But our sex life has been slowly in decline over the past 3 years from a steady 2-3x/week to 0-1/month. She recently told me she would like to put our sex life on hold while she focuses on her career and health issues. I am really confused on how to interpret this. She believes that in a partnership this should be acceptable and that expectations of sex between us, at any point ever, are toxic and manipulative. She feels that no relationship should hinge on the amount of sex and that a pause should come with solidarity from the other partner, especially if there are "larger" goals at hand. I don't see exactly how not having sex anymore is essential to health and career goals as so far our relationship, and ultimately our sexual intimacy, has aided me in achieving all the current goals in my life. I honestly feel like this is code for wanting the financial and domestic support I provide while essentially asking to end the relationship and platonically live together.

The health issues - we both have lyme disease and likely for a long time. And this has no doubt impacted both of our lives (and sex life) as we are simultaneously going through different and intense treatments. I have been in treatment pretty intensely since 2017 and she has been in treatment since the beginning of the year. She is on constant antibiotics and dealing with chronic fatigue while I am doing naturopathy after failed antibiotic treatment and dealing mostly with nerve pain and numbness.

The career goals - She recently was let go from her most recent job and wants to change careers to full time graphic design and styling. She is very talented but will require financial support from me for her treatment and living expenses here for at least a few months or more. I am very excited for her. I have a stable job that can support me and support probably half of her expenses but we cannot both live off my salary. We have talked about her moving home 200 miles away but would prefer to persevere if possible here in NYC.

She calls me out on believing that our entire relationship hinges on sex. And though I hear her perspective on focusing on herself, I am confused on how to proceed and if this is normal? I don't have any friends or family to confide in to be honest. I feel alone and isolated by her needs to put our sex life on hold.

I don't know what to do. I am a bit devastated and lost as I want to support her in every way but don't want to lose our intimate relationship.

TLDR: Partner of 10 years wants to put sex life on hold to deal with health issues and career goals and "focus on herself" while still living together, maintaining monogamy and partially financially supporting her.

Submitted June 20, 2019 at 11:06AM by herdeadpetz http://bit.ly/2KsI94i